Who Let the Dogs Out?

 Now, I'm not saying Trump mentioning people eating cats and dogs was not a stupid, stupid thing to say.

It was.

However, like reports of Joe Biden crapping his drawers while in Normandy, the PERCEPTION of Joe Biden crapping his britches while in Normandy is there (whether it's true or not).  And a point of mockery for those inclined to mock.

Which I am.

At any rate, the PERCEPTION of Haitians eating peoples' pets in Ohio is out there (whether it's true or not).

So, let the mocking commence.

Related...
I don't believe the stories about Michelle, but...
PERCEPTION

 

The Next Day

September 12, 2001
Naval Air Station
Keflavik, Iceland

 

Another Day Which Will Live In Infamy

 What you are about to read is a repeat of a post I wrote nearly 23 years ago.  I keep reposting it for as long as I can because I will never forget.  

            It was just before one o’clock in the afternoon on September 11th (a sad commentary: we don’t even need to identify the year anymore.  Even sadder?  All I needed to do was type "September 11" in Duck, Duck, Go) when my maintenance supervisor stuck his head into my room to wake me.

            “Sir, someone just flew a plane into the World Trade Center.”

            Minutes later, I watched, horrified, as a second plane struck the South tower.  And then, as both of the monstrously huge structures tumbled to the ground as if kicked by a petulant child.

            My unit and I were participating in a multi-nation exercise at the Naval Air Station in Keflavik, Iceland (this explains why it was the afternoon).  A round-the-clock operation, the Keflavik Tactical Exchange gave us a unique chance to evaluate each other’s capabilities should we ever need to flex our respective militaries.  Little did we know that we were preparing for a type of war which belonged to the past.

            Because the 21st Century came roaring into each of our lives on that late summer day.

            Naturally, the exercise was immediately cancelled.  Foreign aircrews (funny that I call them “foreign’” since we were actually foreigners, too) beat hasty returns to their home bases.  We were told that American airspace was closed indefinitely.

            Station security forces went into their highest readiness posture.  Watch teams at the main gate beefed up, rings of barbed wire cordoned off perceived sensitive areas, and armed patrols roamed the perimeter.

            My watch teams and I, on the other hand, remained at our billeting.  Only in Iceland for the exercise, we were considered non-essential personnel who’d only get in the way.

            And so we spent the next few days.

            I received a worried phone call from my wife during this time.  She fretted over my safety.  I assured her that I was fine but omitted the fact that I was more concerned for her and the kids.

            You see, my family lived only a couple hours from New York and only a few from Washington.

            The ensuing few days was a frantic search for whatever updates we could glean from the news and how in the world we’d get ourselves and thousands of pounds of equipment back home.

            Most importantly, we desperately wanted to know how we could get into the fight.  Whatever the fight was.

            Four days later, U.S. airspace was opened to military traffic.  As I glanced through the window of the Navy patrol plane which took us home, I was struck at how empty the sky was-with the exception of the one plane which approached us as we crossed into the United States.  It came no closer than a few miles before it disappeared.

            I think it was a fighter aircraft.

            What’s more, the radio circuits, normally full of the cacophony of countless air traffic controllers, were eerily silent.  The only ones “on the air” were the handful which guided us home.  All else were hushed into silence.

            Our route of flight took us just south of Manhattan, well out of sight of land.  At that distance, even at the altitude at which we were flying, it was impossible to see any of the city skyline.

            But, we did see a huge pall of gray-brown smoke lingering in the air like the death shroud that it was.

            As we touched ground at the Willow Grove naval air station, there was nobody to greet us.  There really wasn't much of anything by way of an acknowledgment that we were back.  Somehow, it seemed fitting.

            After all, we all had something much more important to do.

            Go home to our families.

 

In memory of:

Commander Bill Donovan, USN

AW2 (NAC/AW) Joseph Pycior, USN

and the thousands whose only crime was going to work that day. 

 

More Fun With Joey From Scranton

     To be honest, I will try to keep most of these posts silly (nonsense), but as we lurch toward Election Day and civil war, I won't be able to control myself.  So, expect more "stuff."  

    After all, my mocking bone is strong and hard.

    So...enjoy?

"Look, here's the deal.  On this Labor Day weekend, I must urge you all to honor every birthing person as they undergo the rigors associated with childbirth.  Frankly, I thought only women, whatever they are, could give birth, but Barack has told me that men can do it, too.  Sounds like malarkey to me, but who am I?  No, seriously, who am I?  Anyway, I'd also like to remind you that I am still president.  I can seriously cock things up the next few months.  No joke."

Fun With Don

     Okay, this is starting to get a little out of control...

"Believe me, you'll never find a more delicious, excellent, and delightful candy in all the world.  Made by the finest confectioners-all wonderful, beautiful American citizens-in the country, you'll wonder why you never included 'Slices of Don' in your snacking repertoire. And, now for a tax-deductible donation of $100, I'll personally send you a signed bag of pre-chewed slices of awesome.  Much better than Kamala Kackleberry Nut Klusters, trust me."


NOTE:  Please have a look at the "Best By" date.  When I was doing this, I didn't notice.  Call it 'Accidental Comedy.'

Chuckles

     While I was tempted to write something a little momentous (goodness knows the world is serious and fixing to get seriouser*), I opted instead to stay on the silly side for at least another post.

"Does that mean he'll leave me alone, Master?"

    I'm sure that, as we in the United States lurch towards civil war, I'll have a chance to eventually indulge in some hard-hitting** journalism.

It is a target-rich environment, after all.

    But, even in this silly bit of nonsense, I'll inject a serious dig.  See if you can spot it.

    As some of you may know. I am a Monetary Exchange Specialist*** at Ace Hardware.  Mostly because I wanted something to do while on retirement.

Actually, it's also a rich source of comedic material. 
NOTE:  Picture for entertainment use only.  I have not become black.  Nor grown breasts. 
But, what if I had? 

"I know, right?  People can be such haters.  Although, I'm not black.  Nor have breasts.  But, still."

    Anyway, besides nuts, bolts, toilet plungers, fake owls, lawnmowers, Goo Gone, and gardening equipment, we sell Chuckles candies.

    Since most of the employees are collecting Social Security, we know what those candies are.  However, a couple of our younger customers (and, by "couple," I mean two.  We cater to the senior set) have no clue what they are.

    So, for their benefit (and to fill a post on Blogger), may I present...

    Chuckles are fruit-flavored jelly candies lightly coated in sugar.  They come in five different colors/flavors: Lime, Cherry, Trump, Lemon, and Licorice****.

"They're a delightful melange of sugary, fruity goo!  They're delicious!"

    Chuckles, believe it or not,, have been around for quite some time.  Although not nearly as long in the tooth as the godawful Necco Wafers (1847), it was first marketed in 1921 by Fred W. Amend in Danville, Illinois.

    The fruity confectionary was sold to Nabisco in 1970 after Fred died*****.  After that, Chuckles was passed around like a pack of smokes in the joint.

"Tell me about it.  Eat fresh."

    In 1986, it was bought by Leaf.

Nope.  Never heard of them, either.

    Then, in 1996, all of Leaf's properties, and a future draft pick, were sold to Hershey.

    Hershey realized that Chuckles weren't chocolate, after all, and sub-leased Chuckles to Farleys and Sathers (whoever they are) in 2002.  They later merged with Ferrara Pan in 2012.  Who apparently owns them to this day.

    But, the Chuckles trademark is owned by Iconic IP Interests, LLC.

NOTE:  Chuckles sponsored Evel Knievel from 1974 to 1975.  Although that really has nothing to do with this post, I thought I should mention it.

    So, I basically have no idea what's what.  I'd look at the wrapper of one of them to find out, but a busload of senior citizens swarmed Ace last week and bought every single last one of the fruity slice candy.

   Thankfully, a riot was averted when we told them we didn't sell Necco.  

"I caught it.  Did you, JD?"

  

*Not a real word.  I think.

**At least when you’re talking about me.

***Cashier

****Which we hated as kids.  They were only good for chewing into little black balls and flinging them at the screen during the "Shakiest Gun In the West" and "Ghost and Mr. Chicken" double feature at the Hi-Way Cinema

****I don't know that.  It just seemed logical.  Especially since I didn't want to go to Duck, Duck, Go to find out.

A Little Nonsense For a Change

"I'd like to call this month's meeting of the Legion of Super Heroes to order.  Cosmic Boy, what is on the agenda?"
"We have new applicants to the legion, Saturn Girl."
"Very well, who do we have and what are their super powers?"
"First up, Invisible Lad.  I would think his super power is obvious."
"Very well.  Approved.  Next?"
"Mentalist.  She can read people's minds and force them to her will on other continents."
"Also approved.  Next?"
"Laundry Boy.  He can fold fitted sheets."
"Throw him out."

 

Fun With Comedy Gold Emeritus

 

If found, please return to the United States.
Just be warned:  they may not want him.

Who is the new Comedy Gold, you may ask?

"Ta DA!!!!
Blowjob?"

"So, I'm still the 'Stable Genius'?"

Fun With Cackles

 

"Today is today.  Until tomorrow.  Then, tomorrow is today.  And today is yesterday.  But, then, today's yesterday will be the day before yesterday when the new tomorrow is today.  It stands to reason that last week will still be last week.  Unless the new today is on a Monday.  Which means then that last week will be the week before last.  Of course, it will still be summer.  Unless it's cold.  Then, it's winter.  Or you're in in Australia." 

"I don't know who she is or understand a single thing she's saying. 
Then again, I'm demented.  No joke."

Happy Independence Day!

     Or "Fourth of July" to the rest of the world.

    Yes, yes, sigh, I know.  Many other countries, other than the United States, have independence days.  Just give us this one.  We might not be around much longer.

"Okay, let's see if I got everyone's lunch order right...General Washington will have a BLT with American cheese and slice of cherry pie...well, of course, I have a turkey sub with chips for Hamilton...excuse me, what the hell is a sub?, Jefferson will have a broccoli rob...whatever that is, Mr. Frenchy McFrenchface, Madison, the suck-up, a Philly Cheesesteak, Adams will have a big salad...good call, John, the buttons on your breeches are getting ready to pop right off and kill us all, and Franklin will have fish and chips.  FISH AND CHIPS!!??  Seriously, Ben, do you even know WTF we're doing here???" 

Fun With Joey From Scranton

     Ever since he was vice-president during the Slappy Administration, I've always thought Pine Cone Joe was Comedy Gold (Trump is Comedy Orange, but that's another post for another day).

    The thing is, it keeps getting better and better.  Part of me hopes he NEVER goes away.

THIS deplorable lizard, on the other hand...

    So it is after the debate with the Dark Cheeto.

"Look, here's the deal.  I don't know who the loudmouth blonde broad is, but she promised me ice cream. 
And that's good enough for me.  No joke."


The hits keep coming.

 

80 Years Ago Today

 

I guarantee these men knew what their pronouns were

Prediction

 

                Mind you, I thoroughly enjoy giving you nonsense, but it’s high time I give you a little stuff.

Not that anyone reads these things, you understand.

                Unless you’ve been living under a rock, you’d know that Donald Trump was found guilty of all charges by a New York City jury.  The media is calling them felonies, but, hey, one man’s misdemeanor is another man’s felony.

                Sentencing will be on July 11^th (which is, incidentally, my birthday) and could include jail time.  I doubt that will happen, but you never know.  The judge could be crazy enough to do it.

                We’ll see.

                In any event, it appears that the orange train hasn’t slowed one bit, despite the Left’s glee in announcing that the demented bag of oatmeal will now run against a convicted felon.  People who were for Trump refuse to lose hope in their messiah.  The trial, after all, was a rigged affair.

"Knew I shouldn't have had Taco Bell.  Don't know how Sleepy Joe does it."

"Just relax and let it flow.  It's nice and warm for a few seconds, no joke."

                In my opinion, how could there be any other result?  To think for one minute that Trump would get a fair trial in New York City with a Biden supporter presiding and a jury full of Democrats is ludicrous.  The best he could have hoped for was a hung jury.

                Still, I will admit that I was surprised that the jury ran the table with a guilty verdict.  Yet, I wasn’t surprised.

                To be fair, if the trial was held in Florida or Texas (save Austin), it wouldn’t have been any less rigged.  Just in the opposite direction.

                NOTE:  It is interesting to note that not a single city was torched or a Target looted the evening of the verdict.  Wonder what would have happened if it was Biden who was found guilty?  Come on, you know.

                In essence,  I don’t think much has changed.  People for the Delaware Vegetable are still for the Delaware Vegetable.  People for Orange Jesus are, by and large, still for Orange Jesus.  Some Independents may start leaning toward Big Cheeto, but probably not all.

                For instance, I still won’t vote for the guy.

                I hold cheating on your wife with the same disdain that I hold for a garbage human being who denies the existence of a granddaughter.

                The same garbage human being who was judged too old and feeble to undergo a trial himself.

                The Leader of the Free World…too old and feeble…WTAF?

                Biden will have rabid supporters no matter what (some not even in the nuthouse).

                Trump will have rabid supporters, no matter what.

                The key to the disaster looming in November is those in the middle.  There will be some who will hold their nose and vote for Corn Pop’s bitch.  They can’t stand him, but they loathe and fear Trump.

                Likewise, some will pull the lever (or punch a hole or blacken a circle or whatever) for Trump.  They don’t like him, but they fear Biden is the Demented Anti-Christ.

                You know, lesser of two evils stuff.

                Me?  I don’t want to vote for evil.  Lesser or otherwise.

                So, what am I going to do in six months?  I seriously don’t know.  Won’t vote for Biden.  More than likely won’t vote for Trump.

                The Libertarian candidate, like Gary Johnson in 2016, is nuts.  RFK, Jr.?  Dear Lord….

"I still can't get anyone to tell me where Aleppo is."

        But, my prediction? 

The indignation of a New York verdict in May will fade in November.  It’s the way we Americans, Left or Right, roll.

BONUS Prediction:  Hunter Biden will be found guilty of weapons charges, mostly because he IS guilty and the White House wants Americans to feel that the justice system is fair.

Then, President Poopy Pants pardons Jimmy Crack Pipe.

Nope, the American Legal System is okey-dokey.

Incidentally....