Stuff and Nonsense: April 2023

To Impeach Or Not To Impeach

That is the question.

The “I” word has been rearing its ugly head for nearly all of my adult life. Okay, that’s really not true. I’m pretty old now. It first entered the public domain in earnest when Bill Clinton (aka “Boner-in-Chief”) was indicted (which is really what impeachment is) for lying to Congress.

But, come on, we know the real reason.

But, come on, can you blame him?

Then, “impeachment” gained even more steam with the accession of Evil Orange Man to the White House. The first time for some sort of ridiculous “quid pro quo” (no time to explain that term just now-I can’t do everything, you know) regarding Ukraine. Unlike the real Ukrainian quid pro quo that Vice-President (now president) Department Store Dummy bragged about.

How in the world people don’t see that is beyond me. Like I said, though, no time to discuss. We’ll let that one go for now.

Anyway, after four impeachments (the first being that thrown for Andrew Johnson), a lot of folks are trotting out the wisdom of impeaching the Eggplant-in-Chief. That some of this blather comes from members of the House of Representatives strikes me as nothing more than political posturing. They know that, while Biden may, in fact, be impeached, there is no way he would be convicted in the Senate.

Picture of Andrew Johnson used only
because the poor dead guy doesn't get any press.

They merely want to throw red meat to their constituents.

"Say it isn't so!"

First, let me say, that the Delaware Pine Cone should be impeached and removed from office. In my opinion, this would be the first time in American history that those drastic measures are warranted. The others were pure political kabuki theater.

"I remember, as a boy sitting at a kitchen table in Scranton with my dad, that I invented kabuki theater before I went to the local Shinto shrine shortly after Commodore Perry's visit to Nissan. Or was that Datsun? Or Nippon? Or a 7-11? What was the question again?"

NOTE: Richard Nixon probably would have been justifiably impeached, but he resigned. And Gerald Ford pardoned him for any perceived crimes. Call me a conspiracy theorist, but…quid pro quo. Once again, no time...we carry on...

I’m not saying that there is not an element of partisan hatred for this guy. But, any clear-thinking American has to see that the occupant of the White House is desperately bad news. Of course, there are more than a few nitwits who see nothing wrong with dudes competing against women, either.

"Who you calling a nitwit?
Trust me, it takes a lot of balls to swim against women!
And wear this suit."

I am aghast at the stupidity out there. Not ignorance. Stupidity.

To be fair, while there is stupidity and ignorance on the Left, there is also stupidity and ignorance on the Right. Some folks loudly bleat that Biden should be impeached because, in their minds, that means he is gone.

    What they fail to realize:
    Andrew Johnson: Impeached. Served out his term.
    Bill Clinton: Impeached. Served out his term. In fact, I think he got even more popular.

Donald Trump: Impeached #1. Served out his term. Impeached #2. The guy had already lost the election, for crying out loud. Nope, nothing political there.

So, my point is, just impeaching an individual is only half the game.

For those who do not know (and you know who you are)….Once impeached, the president (other federal officers can be impeached, as well, but we’ll just concentrate on the Executive for now), is referred to the Senate for trial.

This trial, presided over by the Chief Justice of the Supreme Court, requires 2/3 of its members to agree on whether to convict or not. If convicted, he will be thrown out of office and the vice-president (and, dear Lord, you know what that means in this administration) will take over.

"I'm your dingle...err...huckleberry."

Since my math is often suspect, 66 Senators are required for a conviction. Since the Senate is controlled by the Democrats, you’d have a better chance of seeing Jesus at a nudie bar than seeing Biden go off to a nursing home to eat chocolate chip ice cream and watch reruns of “Matlock” while pooping his britches.

"So, I still can't go? I have a lotta singles just burning a hole in my robe."
"How many times do I have to tell you? No! You have an image to keep up. Jesus!"

"And that is precisely why you're going to Purgatory, boyo!"

Plus, I would bet that more than a couple Republicans wouldn’t vote guilty, either, as they'd view relieving a president of his duties would throw this country into a catastrophic tailspin.

Probably not this guy, though.

I’d have to agree with that. Because, even though justified, it would be a bad thing.

If acquitted, like Johnson, Clinton, and Trump, he will carry on as before.

So, in my opinion, an impeachment would be a colossal waste of time and money, no matter how warranted.

After all, this country has a lot more important things to worry about.

Like a guy pretending to be a woman
on a can of Clydesdale pee pretending to be beer.

Okay, that’s not important.

The line just makes me giggle.

Happy Easter!

"You mean we're still on the Julian calendar?
I gotta wait another frikkin' week??"

Okay, I realize this is wildly blasphemous.

"That it is, boyo, that it is. Knuckles if ye, please."

*************************

I know what you're thinking. Easter!? Didn't that already happen? Doesn’t Ken know how to read a calendar? Or has he lost his mind?

Well...yes (mostly), kinda (as long as it has funny pictures), and no (well, not here, anyway).

Believe it or not, there are other Christians out there besides Roman Catholics, Baptists, Presbyterians, Episcopalians, Mormons, Joel Osteen, Methodists, Quakers, Quaker Oats, Congregationalists, Lutherans, Lex Lutherans, Calvinists, Calvin and Hobbists....okay, now I'm getting silly.

Told you.

My point is that other branches of the same tree don't celebrate Easter on the same day that the rest of us and Walmart do. These folks are adherents of what are called the Orthodox or Eastern Orthodox faiths. Whether Greek Orthodox, Russian Orthodox, or Romanian Orthodox Episcopate (I never knew there was such a thing...thank you, Internet!).

These people observe Easter in accordance with the Julian Calendar, which means that the two days have never coincided (I could check, but I don't feel like it). To my knowledge, Orthodox Easter usually falls after Easter Bunny Easter, not before (once again, I could check. Don't feel like it).

NOTE: This is the part when I rely on what I can remember from History Class at the Penguin Academy. Don't use the knowledge herein to take a History Advance Placement test, though. If you do, people will think you're a moron. Which is pretty much how the rest of the country views Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez.

The Julian calendar was designed by Julius Caesar (surprise!) many years before the birth of Christ. Apparently, Julius wanted to be known for more than birthing procedures, salads and Julienne Fries (this is probably not true). He wanted the calendar to more accurately reflect the seasons since what the Romans used (i.e., entrails of an owl) didn't account for the fact that it could snow during beach season. Frankly, Julius should have also inserted a "save the date" for the Ides of March: "Stay indoors."

But, I digress.

Anyway, this calendar was used throughout the Christian world for hundreds of years (while the Chinese were inventing gunpowder) until that know-it-all, Pope Gregory XVII (some Roman number…whatever), decided that the calendar designed by the perforated dead dictator sucked. So, he decided to make his own calendar, which he called the "Gregorian Calendar" (surprise! Try and keep up) in 1582 A.D.

NOTE: I use the "BC/AD" convention rather than goofy politically correct "BCE/CE" one. Because screw anyone who doesn't like it.

But, instead of gradually breaking the new system in, Greg just lopped eleven days off the calendar. Just like that, October 4^th magically went to the 15^th. Ta da!! Kind of abrupt, to be sure, but let’s be frank, it was the 16^th century. Most Europeans were digging around in the mud or dying of the plague and wouldn't know the difference anyway.

NOTE: Yes, yes, I know. The Black Plague mostly took place in the 14^th Century. Would you have preferred I wrote, "Giving smallpox to Indians"? Didn't think so. Shut up.

ALSO NOTE: Calling it the “Black” Plague may be racist. Serious, who can tell anymore? We’ve got dudes swimming against women nowadays . And pictures of them on beer cans. So, yeah, it’s probably racist.

What this all meant was that, besides effing up Washington's birthday (look it up…I can't do everything for you), stubborn people would wind up observing events like Easter on different days.