Wordless Wednesday IX

 

The natural result of Speed Dating

What A Time To Be Alive

 

    I had out of town company this week, so I didn't have time to really post anything of worth.

"Of worth?"

    So, you'll just have to settle for this.

    Our ancestors would be so jealous.

Wordless Wednesday VIII

 

A Long Time Ago

 

In a galaxy...right here

    In addition to the crap you usually see here, I have on occasion submitted stories to Chicken Soup For the Soul.  Sometimes I get lucky and they lose their minds.  Four stories so far have made their books. So, when "Chicken Soup" sent out a call for stories to be included in their 50th (yeah, no shit) anniversary edition, I wrote the below and submitted it.

    Since I doubt it will "make the cut," I thought I'd post it here on Blogger, as well.  Hey, who knows?  Someone may be entertained.

********        

    I remember when “Star Wars” was released on May 25, 1977.  Having newly reported to the aircraft carrier, USS America, I didn’t have time to experience the hoopla which went with what would become a monster science fiction/fantasy franchise.  A franchise that would continue for decades and witness my transformation

from wet-behind-the-ears teenager

 

To gray-haired codger given to 
falling asleep in front of the TV before nine.

    By the time I finally found my way around the huge ship, to include the exits, we got underway for a training cruise to South America.  Then, shortly after returning to homeport, we embarked on a six-month deployment to the Mediterranean Sea.

    Needless to say, I didn’t get a chance to take in any movies, “Star Wars” or any of the classics of 1977.

Such as...

      However, unlike today, Navy ship deployments featured a port visit every week.  These were touted as a chance to show the flag and nurture cordial relationships with our Allies.  Personally, though, I think they were largely designed as a fuel-conservation measure (America was an oil-fired ship).  But, hey, I joined the Navy to see the world. 

And the world saw me.

    During one such visit to Palma de Mallorca, Spain in December, a friend and I were contemplating how to spend our time “on the beach” (an expression-no way we were going to an actual beach in December).  Believe it or not, we had grown tired of the cliché “Sailor entertainments” along the waterfront.  We reviewed the available cathedrals, monuments, museums....and a local theater which was playing “Star Wars.”

    I still remember the conversation as if it were yesterday:

    “Hey, one of the guys from Beach Guard told me they’re playing that new movie, “Star Wars” out in town.”

    “No kidding?  I got a letter from my girlfriend a couple days ago.  She wrote that movie is selling out theaters, left and right.  But, won’t it be in Spanish here?”

    I pooh-poohed him.  “Maybe.  But, I bet it’ll be in English with Spanish subtitles.”

    “I don’t know....”

    “PFFT!  The worst that can happen is that it’ll be dubbed in Spanish and have English subtitles.”

    “You think?”

    “Absolutely.”

    “Okay, then.  Let’s go.”

    In little under an hour, we were in a Palma cineplex, all jazzed to finally see “Star Wars.”

    Which was in Spanish with no subtitles.

    The only one I understood was that gorilla-looking creature.  Plus, I was fairly certain that the dude wearing a black helmet was a bad guy.

    Five months later, I went to see “Star Wars” with my girlfriend.  Where I learned I was right.

    Darth Vader was a bad guy. 

"I find your assumption most troubling."

 

Wordless Wednesday VII

 

Happy Independence Day

  I realize I've used this picture quite a few times.  Although I can't remember the exact caption, it's basically the same.  I keep using it, though, because it tickles me. 

"I don't know about you guys, but I'm exhausted.  Plus, who thought it was a great idea to wear wool coats when it's like the frikkin' sun outside?  Anyway, lunch.  General Washington, what ab...oh, wait.  He's not here.  Sucks to be him.  Still, he's probably not sweating his balls off, wherever he is.  Adams, I got you for a BLT with chips...seriously, do you need bacon, Chubs?  Why not have a salad?  Jefferson, chicken salad on a croissant with dijon mustard...that figures, Frenchy.  You like dark meat, right?  Madison, turkey sandwich with a pickle...sounds kinda phallic, don'tcha think?  Franklin, you want fish and chips.  Fish and chips???  Look, I know you're as old as Delegate Biden, but do you even KNOW what we're doing here, Ben??" 

    By the way, notice I wrote "Happy Independence Day" vice "Happy 4th of July."  Because, how many countries have the 4th of July?

    All of them.

Thaaaattttt's right.

NOTE:  Despite my snark, there is ZERO evidence that James Madison was gay.  Sure, he was a little fella, but so is Peter Dinklage and he's not gay.  As far as I know.