I know what you're thinking. Easter!? Didn't that already happen? Did Ken/Al goof when setting up the delay for this post? Or has he lost his mind?
Well...yes (mostly), no (although it has happened before), and no (well, not here, anyway).
Believe it or not, there are other Christians out there
besides Roman Catholics, Baptists, Presbyterians, Episcopalians, Mormons, Joel Osteen, Methodists, Quakers, Quaker Oats, Congregationalists, Lutherans, Lex Lutherans, Calvinists, Calvin and Hobbists, Scientologists....okay, now I'm getting silly. Scientologists!?
To say nothing of Christian Bale.
|"Chocolate, schmocolate. Here, have some salt."|
These folks observe Easter per the Julian Calendar, which means that the two days have never coincided (I could check, but I don't feel like it. Probably not. And that's good enough for me. Should be good enough for you). To my knowledge, Orthodox Easter usually falls after Easter Bunny Easter, not before (once again, I could check. Don't feel like it).
They still observe most of the traditions that we normally associate with regular Easter, though. Hmmmm...come to think of it, I sound a bit like an intolerant bigot by calling it regular Easter. Sorry.
|"Could be worse. Infidel."|
The symbols of Orthodox Easter are pretty much the same as
"I think he may be compensating for something.
On the other hand, he probably doesn't need
masking tape and bobby pins to keep his beanie on."
|"I've never been to the North Pole. Are there cheeseburgers there?"|
The Julian calendar was designed by (surprise!) Julius Caesar
|Did not invent Julian Fries. Because Julienne Fries.|
Frankly, he should have inserted a "save the date" for the Ides of March on his new calendar: "Stay indoors."
Anyway, this calendar was used throughout the Christian world for hundreds of years (while the Chinese were inventing gunpowder) until that know-it-all, Pope Gregory XVII (some Roman number…whatever), decided that the calendar invented by the perforated dead pagan dictator blew. So, he decided to make his own calendar, which he called the "Gregorian Calendar" (once again...surprise! Try and keep up) in 1582 A.D.
|"Because, you know, your calendar sucked."|
"Oh, yeah? Well, who has a month named after him?
That's what I thought.
By the way, has anyone seen my eyes?"
But, instead of gradually breaking the new system in, Greg just lopped eleven days off the calendar. So, just like that, October 4th magically went to the 15th. Kind of abrupt, to be sure, but to be frank, it was the 16th century. Most Europeans were digging around in the mud or dying of the plague and wouldn't have known the difference anyway.
NOTE: Yes, yes, I know. The Black Plague mostly took place in the 14th Century. Would you have preferred I wrote, "Giving smallpox to Indians"? Didn't think so. Shut up.
|"That's 'Plague of Color.' Racist."|
What this all meant was that, besides effing up Washington's birthday (look it up…I can't do everything for you), stubborn people wound up observing events like Easter on different days.
Unfortunately, Orthodox Easter is not a Federal Holiday, thanks to those haters in Washington, D.C.
|"Oh. Because it's a Sunday?|
|"Well, Whaddya know? Carry on."|
Still shouldn't watch The Ten Commandments, though, and call it an Easter show.
That's a Passover thing. Plus, there were no Easter Bunnies in Egypt.
"You should see what all that heat and humidity does to my ears.
Plus, Joe Biden got me this sweet gig."