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Wednesday, April 17, 2019

Sign Language XVI

Conversely, if you judge a man by his ability to speak and breathe underwater, you're talking to Aquaman.

"Wait.  I'M Aquaman!"

"No, I'M Aquaman!"

"I'm Spartacus!"

"I'm Batman."

Wednesday, April 10, 2019

Wednesday, April 3, 2019

Sign Language XIV

Pretty good coffee.
I just wouldn't bend over when hiking.

"Not that there's anything wrong with that."

Saturday, March 30, 2019

Followers Where I Can Get Them

    You may have noticed (perhaps not) that, since my return, I tend to write less frequently here.  Oh sure, I spew (pretty much a correct term) two posts a week.  But, really, it's only one.  The "Sign Language" posts I regurgitate (a more correct term) every Wednesday are all delayed posts and just throw up (an even better term) old pictures that I had laying around in my computer.

    So, in reality, I only write one new post a week.  Even then, last week's offering on ghosts was a repeat of something I wrote several years ago.  I'll avoid doing that, because it seems like cheating, but as I've said in the past, if you've never read it, it's new to you.

    Still, I'll try to avoid doing that.

    I was even considering taking part in this year's A-Z Challenge,
I may repost Xerxes.
Just because he's my kind of freak.
but decided against it.  It takes up a lot of time that I wasn't prepared to give.  So, I may post entries from years past (there's that cheating thing again).

    No, I'm not feeling morose or otherwise gloomy (annnnnnd I've repeated myself).  That is so 2018.  I've put the melancholy parts of my life in the past (don't you love Microsoft's "Synonym" feature when you're writing something?).

A sample Instagram post.
This is the type of comedy you just can't buy.
Nor should you.
    Actually, I'm busy cracking wise on other platforms.  Like I've said in the past, I enjoy myself quite a bit (most times with my clothes on) on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.  In fact, I've been posting a weekly video "observations" every Sunday evening.  Because, what better way to celebrate the Lord's Day than with a little bit of Ken/Al?

   My apologies to Robyn, she of the Chosen People.

    All that said, I very much intend to continue on Blogger.  After all, I can't get out of the multi-year lease that I signed (NOTE:  there is no such lease).

    With that said, I don't want to write in a vacuum because that would suck (see what I did there?  Yeah, it's not just on Instagram where you can find this type of thigh-slapping cleverness).  Unlike some Republicans and Rachel Maddow, I am a human being and crave personal interaction.

No.  Not that kind.

    Therefore (we would also accept 'so.'  Love that synonym tool), I use one of the features on Blogger to see who my audience is.  As I'm sure you all know, I can check who's here at this moment and all the way to who (or is that "whom?"  Oh, eff it.) has visited the past month.

    Obviously, most visitors come from the United States,
"Wait.  Aren't you American?"
"Yeah, but I suck so..."
although a fair percentage come from Canada (thank you Pat and Birgit).  Others are from the United Kingdom and occasionally Australia, which makes sense, I suppose, because we share the same language (although Brits call being drunk "pissed."  Which we Yanks routinely do in the corner when we're drun....ohhhhhhhhhhh).  Plus, Batman is Welsh, Superman is British, and Wolverine is Australian.

    So, there's that.

"Pretty funny stuff.  For an infidel."
"Well, clearly, but Penwasser makes me piss my robes."
   But, I also see followers from Germany, Poland, Indonesia, Taiwan and other countries who are wanting themselves a little stuff and nonsense although they probably can't read English.

   The followers I get from China, Russia, and the Ukraine make me a little nervous, I'll have to admit.  Maybe they're looking to finagle their way into our bit of the cyber-world?  Or, some foreign (I know, I know, Americans are foreign to Canadians.  Get off my back, Pat) agent hopes to glean something classified from me, considering the job I once held? 

"Note to self:  never let Lynch drive the boat again."

    Perhaps Communism (or whatever TF they have in Russia and
"Nyet.  He is the shits with the making funs 
of the Barack Bahamas 
and the Orange Julius 
knowings how the winds works."
Ukraine  now) is so sucky, they gain a small bit of solace from this nonsense?

     What gives me the most pause is that some of my followers (or at least visitors) come from what Blogger calls "Unknown Region."  This amazes me.  Is Blogger reacting to a map which is perpetually changing so it's hard to keep up?  Is this Blogger's version of "Oh, f*ck it.  Why go through the trouble of figuring out where these visitors are coming from?  I mean it's not like anybody reads these crappy audience statistics anyway." 
Second Place.
I'll resist a gratuitous joke here.

"And, coming in at #3 this week, 'Unknown Region.'"

    Or maybe, just maybe, "Stuff and Nonsense-A Penwasser Place" is being read in outer space?

    I guess I'd better not post any Martian knock-knock jokes.
    Who knows what offends those people? 

"Knock, knock."
"Who's there?"
"Uranus who?"
"Earthlings can't probe Uranus because we don't have one."
"Sheesh, Lou, don't quit your day job.  You suck."

Wednesday, March 27, 2019