Or "Fourth of July" to the rest of the world.
Yes, yes, sigh, I know. Many other countries, other than the United States, have independence days. Just give us this one. We might not be around much longer.
A perfect (?) blend of the serious (stuff) and not-so-serious (nonsense).
Or "Fourth of July" to the rest of the world.
Yes, yes, sigh, I know. Many other countries, other than the United States, have independence days. Just give us this one. We might not be around much longer.
Ever since he was vice-president during the Slappy Administration, I've always thought Pine Cone Joe was Comedy Gold (Trump is Comedy Orange, but that's another post for another day).
The thing is, it keeps getting better and better. Part of me hopes he NEVER goes away.
![]() |
THIS deplorable lizard, on the other hand... |
So it is after the debate with the Dark Cheeto.
![]() |
"Look, here's the deal. I don't know who the loudmouth blonde broad is, but she promised me ice cream. And that's good enough for me. No joke." The hits keep coming. |
Mind you, I thoroughly enjoy giving you nonsense, but it’s high time I give you a little stuff.
![]() |
Not that anyone reads these things, you understand. |
Unless you’ve been living under a rock, you’d know that Donald Trump was found guilty of all charges by a New York City jury. The media is calling them felonies, but, hey, one man’s misdemeanor is another man’s felony.
Sentencing
will be on July 11th (which is, incidentally, my birthday) and could
include jail time. I doubt that will
happen, but you never know. The judge
could be crazy enough to do it.
We’ll
see.
In any
event, it appears that the orange train hasn’t slowed one bit, despite the Left’s
glee in announcing that the demented bag of oatmeal will now run against a
convicted felon. People who were for
Trump refuse to lose hope in their messiah.
The trial, after all, was a rigged affair.
![]() |
"Knew I shouldn't have had Taco Bell. Don't know how Sleepy Joe does it." |
![]() |
"Just relax and let it flow. It's nice and warm for a few seconds, no joke." |
In my
opinion, how could there be any other result?
To think for one minute that Trump would get a fair trial in New York
City with a Biden supporter presiding and a jury full of Democrats is
ludicrous. The best he could have hoped
for was a hung jury.
Still, I
will admit that I was surprised that the jury ran the table with a guilty
verdict. Yet, I wasn’t surprised.
To be
fair, if the trial was held in Florida or Texas (save Austin), it wouldn’t have
been any less rigged. Just in the
opposite direction.
NOTE: It is interesting to note that not a single
city was torched or a Target looted the evening of the verdict. Wonder what would have happened if it was Biden
who was found guilty? Come on, you know.
In
essence, I don’t think much has
changed. People for the Delaware
Vegetable are still for the Delaware Vegetable.
People for Orange Jesus are, by and large, still for Orange Jesus. Some Independents may start leaning toward Big
Cheeto, but probably not all.
For
instance, I still won’t vote for the guy.
I hold
cheating on your wife with the same disdain that I hold for a garbage human
being who denies the existence of a granddaughter.
The
same garbage human being who was judged too old and feeble to undergo a trial
himself.
The
Leader of the Free World…too old and feeble…WTAF?
Biden
will have rabid supporters no matter what (some not even in the nuthouse).
Trump
will have rabid supporters, no matter what.
The key
to the disaster looming in November is those in the middle. There will be some who will hold their nose
and vote for Corn Pop’s bitch. They can’t
stand him, but they loathe and fear Trump.
Likewise,
some will pull the lever (or punch a hole or blacken a circle or whatever) for
Trump. They don’t like him, but they
fear Biden is the Demented Anti-Christ.
You
know, lesser of two evils stuff.
Me? I don’t want to vote for evil. Lesser or otherwise.
So,
what am I going to do in six months? I
seriously don’t know. Won’t vote for
Biden. More than likely won’t vote for
Trump.
The
Libertarian candidate, like Gary Johnson in 2016, is nuts. RFK, Jr.?
Dear Lord….
![]() |
"I still can't get anyone to tell me where Aleppo is." |
But, my
prediction?
The indignation of a New York
verdict in May will fade in November. It’s
the way we Americans, Left or Right, roll.
BONUS Prediction: Hunter Biden will be found guilty of weapons
charges, mostly because he IS guilty and the White House wants Americans to
feel that the justice system is fair.
Then, President Poopy Pants pardons
Jimmy Crack Pipe.
Nope, the American Legal System is
okey-dokey.
Incidentally....
I wonder how many of you say that without realizing the last Monday in May is really not about the unofficial start of summer?
NOTE: Okay,
I’ll grant you that June,
July, and August are pretty cold in the Southern Hemisphere, which sounds like
a crappy deal for our friends down under.
Until you stop to consider they also don’t have Joe Biden and Donald
Trump.
NOTE FOLLOWING A NOTE: That last sentence is sure to tick off both
sides of the aisle. You’re welcome.
On the other hand, Australia does have
Olivia Newton-John. Well, did. Well, they do have Steve Irwin. What?
Oh, eff. Forget it. Mate.
Lost among the hoopla of backyard barbecues
blissfully free of Bud Light, fireworks (for those looking
to get a jump on Independence Day...and their neighbors’ nerves), trips to
Jersey beaches (to watch the annual washing ashore of mob hits), and tropical
storms (in Florida) is the true purpose behind Memorial Day.
![]() |
"It's Clydesdale piss which identifies as beer." |
Decoration Day, recognition of those who gave their lives in the Civil War, was proclaimed on May 5th, 1868, by General John Logan of the Grand Army of the Republic (“Grand.” Well, weren’t they all full of themselves?). Planned for May 30th, it drew former foes together to plant flowers and otherwise spruce up graves of war dead from North and South alike at Arlington National Cemetery.
![]() |
The only civil war in American history. Unless there's a sequel, of course. |
![]() |
"That's kinda depressing." |
To be sure, women in the South were also “decorating” gravesites of their dead from the “Great Cause,” when they weren’t saying “Bless your heart” or “Kiss my grits.” In fact, some sources state that those practices even predated the end of the war. What’s more, some states in Dixie even had their own Decoration Days, mostly in May.
![]() |
"Lemme ask you, you think Scarlett O'Hara would ever do this?" "Right? She's so full of shit." "Bless her heart." "Exactly." |
![]() |
"Hey, General Burnside, doesn't it bother you that some of the men are wearing what they call 'sideburns?' "Naw. Could be worse." "Worse? How?" "Well, I could be General Hooker." |
Decoration Day remained an observance of
Civil War dead up until after the First World War. Following one of history’s most idiotic
conflicts (which didn’t end up being the “war to end all wars” after all. Dumbasses.), it was decided that May 30th
would be set aside to honor all
American war dead.
NOTE: And those who lost their lives during
peacetime in service to their country.
The name, however, stuck until it
officially changed to Memorial Day in 1967.
No matter what it was called, though, Americans throughout the nation
took time to honor the fallen.
What seemed to many a civic duty began to
fade after Congress passed the Holiday Act of 1971. An effort to consolidate some federal
holidays into three-day weekends, it shifted Memorial Day to the last Monday in
May. The inexorable transformation from
solemn tribute to summertime bacchanal had begun.
I try my best not to be a crank about the
avalanche of car commercials, barbecue tips shows, or “ABBA to ZZ Top-The Memorial Countdown of the 500 Most Popular Hits of
the 70s, 80s, 90s, and Whatever the Frik We Call the First Decade of the 21st
Century!” It’s hard not to get
caught up in the hype of a country poised at the brink of gloriously warm
weather (sorry, Aussies) and summer reruns.
Hey, I like to walk around with my shirt off and scare wildlife like any
other middle-aged guy.
Still, I remember when Memorial Day used to
be about the Soldier, Sailor, Airman, Marine, and Coast Guardsman. Parades, wreath-layings, air shows,
flag-raisings: those were what I
remember.
![]() |
Or whatever the frik it is these nerds are called. |
But, if I think back really hard (that sounds dirty), I also remember my shirtless father (I’m still in
therapy) incinerating hot dogs from Shop Rite on the grill while listening to Best of the Ventures on his 8-Track
player. All while we played fetch with
our dog-using my little brother’s bathing suit.
With my little brother still in it.
![]() |
"Okay, kids, who wants dogs? Dad's charring them!" |
When we weren’t playing catch with the Lawn
Darts, that is.
Ahhhhh, good times.
![]() |
We are going to miss Uncle Chet, though. |
So, when I get up Monday morning, I’m
going to fly my flag before heading off to see the Memorial Day parade. I’ll place my hand over my heart when the
national anthem is played at the wreath-laying.
And hang on to every word spoken by a veteran from either the American
Legion or the VFW.
Then, I’ll go home to see if I can cook a hot dog better than my dad.
Now that I think of it, I guess the saying
fits:
Happy Memorial Day!
Still, never forget it should also be
Blessed Memorial Day.
Two things can be true at the same time, ya know.
Like Joe Biden and Donald Trump can both be old geezers who suck.
![]() |
"And Jupiter aligns with Mars!" |
![]() |
"A planet made of gas." |
Okay, I'm going to go out on a limb here, but I'm going to defend Joe Biden (for perhaps the very first, and last, time).
![]() |
"Thank you very much. Who's Joe Biden?" |
Sure, he's a demented clown (as opposed to an orange one), but he's been taking quite a rap over his statement that his Uncle Ambrose was probably eaten by cannibals while flying over New Guinea during World War II.
Absolutely, some of the memes are hilarious and I usually always chuckle or laugh out loud when I see them. His critics are having a heyday with what they perceive is the latest gaffe from America's premiere Gaffe Machine.
![]() |
One of my favorites |
The Scranton Pine Cone is known for saying the most outlandish things when he he isn't mumbling some incoherent bit of gibberish.
And this latest pronouncement by the Scourge of Corn Pop seems beyond the pale in its ridiculousness. I mean, come on, cannibals? In the 20th Century? Yer kiddin', right?.
The thing is, there actually were cannibals in the South Pacific during the war. In fact, there were reports of cannibalism on New Guinea itself.
![]() |
"So, me and my mates were wondering what to make for dinner. None of us had a clue, but then, wouldn't you know, special delivery. It was like Door Dash." |
In fact in fact, when I asked Siri if there was cannibalism, my trusty (?) AI girlie stated "The government of New Guinea is discouraging the practice of cannibalism."
Wait. WHAT!? Discouraging? You mean, like in the 21st Century??
So, while people scoff at the latest from Joey, he may, in fact, have a point. Uncle "Bosey" may have crashed his plane in New Guinea and, since his body was never found, he may have been eaten by cannibals.
Unfortunately, anything that Joey from Scranton says is immediately questioned and ultimately ridiculed. He, like Trump, is his own worst enemy.
![]() |
"Quite frankly, I am a stable genius." |
However, his cannibal story may have an element of truth.
After all, I suppose stranger things have happened.
Like thinking little kids enjoy rubbing the hair on your legs in the pool.
![]() |
"And I love little kids rubbing my leg, or sitting on my lap, or fetching me some...uh...anyway." |
Or "Fourth of July" to the rest of the world. Yes, yes, sigh, I know. Many other countries, other than the United State...