Ghosties and Ghoulies Who Extort in the Night

 

"More than a little degrading.  Plus, there's frikkin' spiders everywhere."

PART I

 (come on, two parts for the price of writing one)

NOTE:  The following is a repeat (get used to it-the holiday season SCREAMS for repeats.  And cookies).  And here you thought you were done with reruns after that Columbus Day post.  Oh, sweet naive summer child.  While this may smack of laziness to some (and those people may have a point), it actually is a way to celebrate one of the special days of the year.  And I don’t mean “National Sea Monkey Day” (May 16)*.  The way I figure it, the networks have been broadcasting “It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown” every October (because April would be silly) since the Vietnam War.  So, why can’t I do the same?

"BECAUSE YOU SUCK!"

Besides, if you haven’t read this, it’s new to you.  Right, Mary?

   Halloween.  What a hoot.

    Yes, I know, I know...it’s a day allegedly drenched in satanic roots and all manner of horrifying images meant to instill terror in mortals:  ghosts, goblins, witches, Hillary Clinton, Rosie O’Donnell in a thong, blah, blah, blah.

In...a...thong

     Rather than surrender to the Dark Lord

Or Abdul el-Sayed

the politically correct observe the holiday via nonsensical “Fall Parades”, “Harvest Festivals”, or “Insert-Celebratory-Name-Here” revels.

     Hand-wringing ninnies also prefer that children not dress up as traditionally spooky characters.  Instead, they dress their tykes as non-threatening characters such as “Insurance Salesman”, “Foot Doctor”, or “Blue Man Group.”

Some younger readers may not realize who they are. 
To them I say, "you're welcome."

     Oh, c’mon!  I took my kids to Halloween celebrations and never once felt the icy tug of Lucifer on pillowcases chock full of Snickers and Jolly Ranchers.  After all, I find it hard to believe that the Devil resides in clowns, ballerinas, or SpongeBob Squarepants.

    The extortion element of Trick-Or-Treating aside, it’s just a day for kids to dress up and happily pander from door to door.  I’m not going to begrudge them a chance to have fun just because some simpering idiots think the day glorifies evil.

To be continued...

*There really is such a day.  Would I lie to you?  Well, uh, yeah, but this is true.