Photo Phinish V

That's odd. I thought this only came in pill form.

"So, it's not meant for the eyes?  Awkward."

Photo Phinish IV

"You want to do what?"

"Stick my head under your armpit.  It's starting to rain."

Sorry, No History Today

     So, you have that going for you.

"Which is nice."

    Due to a family emergency, I was unable to write the latest installment of "History of the World" (good grief, my history of the Hebrews is dragging on forever, huh?).

    Of course, I could have written something earlier in the week and put it on delay, but what do you think I am?  Organized?

    Anyway, I'll be in Maine next weekend on a planned trip to visit the other old bastards from my Navy squadron.  I'm sure we'll bore regale each other with exaggerated tales of derring-do, derring-don't, and alcohol abuse.  Oh, and keeping tabs on Soviet submarines.  I'm sure naptime will be scheduled.  We're not getting any younger, you know. 

You know..."tip of the spear" stuff.

    Since this is a planned time away, I'll be sure to prepare the latest chapter of History of the World early in the week.  I'll then put it on delay, so you'll be none the wiser (you'll also be none the wiser about history once you read the thing).

  That said, I'll "see" you next week when I delve into yet another tale from Sunday School (hey, it's all I got until we get to the Persians).

"Until then, stay groovy.  Babe."

Photo Phinish III

Bill Clinton shops here

Sign Language XXXI

Graduate of an Ivy League school, enjoys opera,
donates to PBS.

Sign Language XXX

Must have gone to Special Bollards School

BTW, I realize I'm probably going to Hell for this.

Photo Phinish II

"Oh, you're going to the Dominican Republic for your honeymoon?  That's fantastic!"

"I know, right?"
"It's such an exotic destination!"

"We can't wait!"
"And the beaches!"
"Tell me about it!"
"The romance!"
Loving every minute!"
"And the bleach in the sodas!"
"Absolu...wait.  What!?"

Photo Phinish I

Taking a well-deserved break, Santa Claus shares a light

 moment with one of his favorite elves, "Handsy."

No History This Week

    Sorry.

   For the two of you who read this blog, please accept my sincere apologies,  as there will be no "History of the World According To Penwasser" this week.  I had intended to write the column Thursday evening, but I had a social engagement come up all of a sudden (yeah, I know.  People actually want to spend time with me.  Weird.  I must owe them money).

   Friday, I headed down South to land of cotton, good times there are not forgotten.  My son is getting married and would like me to accompany him, his mother, his future mother-in-law, and his fiancee (or is that fiance?  I can't keep these things straight) on a trip to view potential venues.

   Side Note:  The children of me and my siblings are starting the marriage process.  It's going to go like dominos (the game, not the pizza).  Soon, the funerals will end up like dominos (the game, not the pizza).

"No?   Awwwwwwwwwww...eff."

   But, fingers crossed that that won't happen for a very long time.  Because, I'm the oldest and I have this suspicious lump on my forehead.

   Anyway, I won't have time to give you a post which is of the highest quality (or whatever this is).

   Never fear.  Next week, we go to ancient Babylon.

   But, to tide you over, how about a picture of an angry bird and a toilet?

Because he has no hands, stepladder, or penis. 
And really needs to take a whiz. 
I'd be angry, too

Sign Language XXIX

Seems harsh.
Unless the kids are mouthy.

Sign Language XXVIII

"And, if you want to ever see it again, leave $500,000 in unmarked, non-sequential bills in front of the nearest Leslie's by midnight.  Or we'll take a box-cutter to the liner."

Sign Language XXVII

After 30 minutes, I got bored and left. 

 This wasn't nearly as exciting as I thought.

Happy Independence Day

Or, for those who don't live in the United States...

Happy 4th of July!*

"Okay, everyone, listen up!  The order from Feinman's Deli on Market Street has come in.  Let's see, I have a tuna salad on whole wheat for Washington, grilled chicken, dark meat only-heard that's how you like it, Jefferson-on pumpernickel, liverwurst with sauerkraut on sourdough for-figures-Adams, and fish and chips for....for Pete's sake, Franklin, you do know why we're here, right?"

*

"Because every country has a 4th of July.  

Now, get back to work.  Especially you, England."