Fun With Don

     Okay, this is starting to get a little out of control...

"Believe me, you'll never find a more delicious, excellent, and delightful candy in all the world.  Made by the finest confectioners-all wonderful, beautiful American citizens-in the country, you'll wonder why you never included 'Slices of Don' in your snacking repertoire. And, now for a tax-deductible donation of $100, I'll personally send you a signed bag of pre-chewed slices of awesome.  Much better than Kamala Kackleberry Nut Klusters, trust me."


NOTE:  Please have a look at the "Best By" date.  When I was doing this, I didn't notice.  Call it 'Accidental Comedy.'

Chuckles

     While I was tempted to write something a little momentous (goodness knows the world is serious and fixing to get seriouser*), I opted instead to stay on the silly side for at least another post.

"Does that mean he'll leave me alone, Master?"

    I'm sure that, as we in the United States lurch towards civil war, I'll have a chance to eventually indulge in some hard-hitting** journalism.

It is a target-rich environment, after all.

    But, even in this silly bit of nonsense, I'll inject a serious dig.  See if you can spot it.

    As some of you may know. I am a Monetary Exchange Specialist*** at Ace Hardware.  Mostly because I wanted something to do while on retirement.

Actually, it's also a rich source of comedic material. 
NOTE:  Picture for entertainment use only.  I have not become black.  Nor grown breasts. 
But, what if I had? 

"I know, right?  People can be such haters.  Although, I'm not black.  Nor have breasts.  But, still."

    Anyway, besides nuts, bolts, toilet plungers, fake owls, lawnmowers, Goo Gone, and gardening equipment, we sell Chuckles candies.

    Since most of the employees are collecting Social Security, we know what those candies are.  However, a couple of our younger customers (and, by "couple," I mean two.  We cater to the senior set) have no clue what they are.

    So, for their benefit (and to fill a post on Blogger), may I present...

    Chuckles are fruit-flavored jelly candies lightly coated in sugar.  They come in five different colors/flavors: Lime, Cherry, Trump, Lemon, and Licorice****.

"They're a delightful melange of sugary, fruity goo!  They're delicious!"

    Chuckles, believe it or not,, have been around for quite some time.  Although not nearly as long in the tooth as the godawful Necco Wafers (1847), it was first marketed in 1921 by Fred W. Amend in Danville, Illinois.

    The fruity confectionary was sold to Nabisco in 1970 after Fred died*****.  After that, Chuckles was passed around like a pack of smokes in the joint.

"Tell me about it.  Eat fresh."

    In 1986, it was bought by Leaf.

Nope.  Never heard of them, either.

    Then, in 1996, all of Leaf's properties, and a future draft pick, were sold to Hershey.

    Hershey realized that Chuckles weren't chocolate, after all, and sub-leased Chuckles to Farleys and Sathers (whoever they are) in 2002.  They later merged with Ferrara Pan in 2012.  Who apparently owns them to this day.

    But, the Chuckles trademark is owned by Iconic IP Interests, LLC.

NOTE:  Chuckles sponsored Evel Knievel from 1974 to 1975.  Although that really has nothing to do with this post, I thought I should mention it.

    So, I basically have no idea what's what.  I'd look at the wrapper of one of them to find out, but a busload of senior citizens swarmed Ace last week and bought every single last one of the fruity slice candy.

   Thankfully, a riot was averted when we told them we didn't sell Necco.  

"I caught it.  Did you, JD?"

  

*Not a real word.  I think.

**At least when you’re talking about me.

***Cashier

****Which we hated as kids.  They were only good for chewing into little black balls and flinging them at the screen during the "Shakiest Gun In the West" and "Ghost and Mr. Chicken" double feature at the Hi-Way Cinema

****I don't know that.  It just seemed logical.  Especially since I didn't want to go to Duck, Duck, Go to find out.

A Little Nonsense For a Change

"I'd like to call this month's meeting of the Legion of Super Heroes to order.  Cosmic Boy, what is on the agenda?"
"We have new applicants to the legion, Saturn Girl."
"Very well, who do we have and what are their super powers?"
"First up, Invisible Lad.  I would think his super power is obvious."
"Very well.  Approved.  Next?"
"Mentalist.  She can read people's minds and force them to her will on other continents."
"Also approved.  Next?"
"Laundry Boy.  He can fold fitted sheets."
"Throw him out."