"G" is For "Gregory"

 

 

"G" is For "Gregory"  

"Son of a...this thing is squeezing my head like a grape!"

  Pope Gregory XIII was the...uh...thirteenth pope of the Roman Catholic Church (come to think of it, that’s pretty redundant.  There’s no such thing as a pope of the Eastern Orthodox Church) from 1572 to 1585.

     He was born Ugo Boncampagni on June 7, 1502 in Bologna, Italy  (“Italy” technically wouldn’t actually be a country until unification in the 19^th century).  No baloney.

"Mmmmmmmm......Italian baloney.........."

    He became a Jesuit priest and taught jurisprudence (something to do with the law. I think.) at the University of Bologna from 1531-1539.

    He was bumped up the company ladder when Pope Pius IV made him a cardinal and papal emissary to Spain in 1565.

Wrong cardinal

Wrong cardinals

That's better.

    NOTE:  Spain then being in the thick of things with American exploration since they actually found gold.  This was discussed in my last post about Ferdinand II.

    Ugo was elected pope on May 14, 1572, due in large part to the influence wielded by the Spanish king, Phillip or Charles or whoever.  I don’t know and don’t feel like looking it up.

    NOTE:  I’ve been doing enough research.  Get off my back.

    Ugo took the name of Gregory, mostly because it was easier to spell than “Boncampagni” and the invitations were already written for Gregory’s investiture.

    He is mostly known for his reforms of the Catholic Church in response to all the Protestant bitching going.  He really couldn’t do anything about Henry VIII and the Church of England, however.

"Power of Boners, my dude."
NOTE:  Picture used for entertainment purposes.  Henry was long since dead.

    This was inelegantly known as the “Counter Reformation” after one of his advisor’s first recommendation, “Hey Protestants? Up Yours!” was rejected by a conclave of cardinals.

"Okay, we get rid of indulgences.  Agreed?"
"Can we still keep Bingo?"
"Of course.  We're not savages."

    He also instituted a system of seminaries, meant for the training for the training of Catholic priests, including its first lecture, “Keeping It In Your Pants.”

    Mostly, though, Pope Gregory is known for implementing what is known as the Gregorian Calendar.  The Julian Calendar, in use since 46 BC (BCE, to you politically-correct ninnies) was showing its age.  Its inaccurate estimation of the solar year (365.2422 days-yeah, I looked that up.  You think I knew the exact number?), lead to the world edging closer to the seasons being all out of whack.

    The biggest change to the calendar (besides the name, which was a huge FU to Julius Caesar, was how leap years were estimated.  Rather than EVERY four years having a February with 29 days, only those divisible by 400 would have a longer Black History Month.

"Yeah, so what?  I still get a month.  And sometime after the middle of March, the Senate is supposed to change the 'Bay of Naples' to the 'Bay of Julius.'"

    Meaning, 1800 and 1900 would not be leap years, while 2000 would.  The year 2100 would NOT have a leap year, though.

    That’s okay, though.  Most of us will be dead by then, anyway.

    I know what you’re thinking.  That’s all????  Well, besides the calendar advancing ten days from October 4 to October 15, yeah that’s about it.

    But, it was enough to throw people all in a tizzy (personally, I would think they had enough to worry about.  You know, like the Black Death).

"Death of Color."

  Whiners, mostly Protestants, accused the Pope of being the Anti-Christ who was trying to pull off a decidedly pro-Catholic agenda.

"That's cute.  We all know who the Anti-Christ is!"

    Eventually, though, they came to be at peace with the changes.  Especially since they thought Julius Caesar was a narcissist who didn’t rate his own calendar.  And those rats were starting to be a real problem.

    Although, Russia didn’t adopt the Gregorian Calendar (or pants) until 1918.

    Pope Gregory XIII died, of death, on April 15, 1585.  He went to his heavenly reward knowing that he made a real difference in the world, if for nothing else bestowing on us a calendar which would have us sunbathing in January.

"Surf's up!"
"What the f...are you nuts?"

    NOTE:  Sigh....yes, yes...I know, it’s hot in January in the Southern Hemisphere.  You know what I mean.  Shut up.