Ay, There's the Rub

      

    My wife groaned in pain next to me.
    

    When I asked what was wrong, she said that she must have slept 

wrong the previous night.  Her neck felt as if a thousand pitchforks 

held by a thousand little demons were jamming into it.  Would I 

massage it a little with some Icy-Hot?

    Since we had only been married a week, I, of course, was only too

happy to oblige.  Perhaps, after the passage of a few years, I would 

feign sleep and ignore her request through faux snores.  But, today?  

I would be a model groom.

    Considering I had just woken up myself, I rolled out of bed and 

stumbled into the bathroom adjacent to our bed.  I didn’t bother 

putting on my glasses.  I figured the task at hand didn’t call for long-

distance, or any other kind of, vision.

    I grabbed the small white tube from underneath the sink and 

jumped onto the bed.  She had already sat up, her pajama top pulled 

up.  I had easy access to neck and shoulders.

    Our cat perched on the dresser, intensely curious as to all the 

hubbub about to commence.

    “Okay,” I cautioned as I squirted a small dollop between her 

shoulder blades, “this will be a little chilly at first.  But, then it’ll 

warm up quick enough.”

    As I spread the cream around her shoulders and up her neck, I 

noticed that it didn’t feel right.  It was a little stickier than I thought 

it should be.  It was white, of course, but it didn’t have the 

consistency you’d expect a warming balm to have.

    The cat, even more curious, poked her nose closer to get a better 

look.  All of a sudden, she began to sneeze.  Well, that was odd, I 

thought.  I never heard the cat do that before.

    The ointment also didn’t give off that “Icy-Hot” kind of smell.  In 

fact, it had a minty aroma.  I leaned in and took a small whiff.  Yep, 

peppermint.

    Well, that was as odd as the cat’s sneezing fits.

    Without turning, my wife asked, “Shouldn’t it be getting a little 

warmer?”

    I agreed and she said, “What’s the expiration date on the tube?”

    Since I had bought it only a month ago, I seriously doubted 

that would be the case.  Something else had to be going on wit…

then I looked at the tube laying on the bedsheet.

    

    It said “Sensodyne.”

    As I washed the toothpaste from her shoulders, I told her to look 

on the bright side.

    Laughing, but not annoyed (remember, we were still newlyweds), 

she asked, “What would that be?”

    "Well, if I had grabbed the tube of Preparation H, your neck 

would have ended up the size of a #2 pencil.”