Solemn Memorial Day

    NOTE:  Even though Stuff and Nonsense is available in much of the civilized world and New Jersey (thank you, World Wide Web! You're not just about porn.), the following will probably only make sense to Americans (you know, like NASCAR).  So, for those not part of Joe Biden's America (you lucky bastards), feel free to go looking for Karen videos on Tik Tok.  Or, if you're of a masochistic bent, you can hang around like Jeffrey Epstein.  Or anyone else who knows Hillary Clinton.

"What do you mean you missed that dig? 
And you call Doocy a dumb son-of-a-bitch."

********

 Happy Memorial Day!

    I wonder how many of us say that without realizing that the last Monday in May is really not about the unofficial start of summer?

"No?  Eff."

    NOTE:  June, July, and August are pretty cold in the Southern Hemisphere, which sounds like a crappy deal for our friends down under.  Until you stop to consider they also don’t have the Kardashians.  So, it’s kind of a wash.

I said "Kardashian." 
You're welcome Star Trek nerds

"Thanks, dude.  Live long and prosper!"

    Lost among backyard barbecues, fireworks (for those looking to get a jump on Independence Day...or piss off their neighbors), trips to Jersey beaches (to watch the annual washing ashore of mob hits), and tropical storms (in Florida) is the true purpose behind Memorial Day.

    Originally called Decoration Day, this recognition of those who gave their lives in the recent Civil War was officially proclaimed on May 5th, 1868, by General John Logan of the Grand Army of the Republic (well, weren’t they all full of themselves?).  Planned for May 30th, it drew former foes together to plant flowers and otherwise spruce up graves of war dead from North and South alike at Arlington National Cemetery.

    To be sure, women in the South were also “decorating” gravesites of their dead from the “Great Cause.”  In fact, some sources state that those practices even predated the end of the war.  What’s more, some states in Dixie even had their own Decoration Days, mostly in May. 

    NOTE:  For my non-American friends (and products of the Mississippi school system), the American Civil War (or “War of Northern Aggression”-sheesh, those people can really hold a grudge) took place between 1861 and 1865 between the “North” and the “South.”  I could bore you with the whys, whens, and whats about one of my country’s most horrific conflicts, but I won’t (no sense cracking a book).  Let’s just put it this way:  a lot of people died and the blue team won.  Oh, and it wasn’t technically a “civil” war.  Because, let’s face it, there’s nothing civil about getting your head blown off by a cannon ball.

     WE NOW PAUSE FOR A PROBABLY PREDICTABLE COMMENT:  I fear we may be heading towards a no-kidding, genuine civil war.

    Decoration Day remained in honor of Civil War dead up until after the First World War.  Following history’s most idiotic conflict (which didn’t end up being the “war to end all wars”), it was decided that May 30th would be set aside to honor all American war dead.

    The name, however, stuck until it officially changed to Memorial Day in 1967.  No matter what it was called, though, Americans throughout the nation took time out to honor those who had fallen.

    What seemed to many to be a civic duty began to fade after Congress passed the Holiday Act of 1971.  An effort to consolidate some federal holidays into three-day weekends, it shifted Memorial Day to the last Monday in May.  The inexorable transformation from solemn tribute to summertime bacchanal had begun.

    I try my best not to be a crank about the avalanche of car commercials, barbecue tips shows, or “ABBA to ZZ Top-The Memorial Countdown of the 500 Most Popular Hits of the 70s, 80s, 90s, and Whatever the Frik We Call the 21st Century!”  It’s hard not to get caught up in the hoopla of a country poised at the brink of gloriously warm weather (sorry, Aussies) and summer reruns.  After all, who doesn't love going to the beach?

"Hey, you think I can get a couple dozen fudgsicles?"

    Still, I remember when Memorial Day used to be about the Soldier, Sailor, Airman, Marine, and Coast Guardsman.  Parades, wreath-layings, air shows, flag-raisings:  those were what I remember.

    But, if I think back really hard, I also remember my father incinerating hot dogs on the grill while listening to Best of the Ventures on his 8-Track player.  All while we played fetch with our dog-using my little brother’s bathing suit.  When we weren’t playing catch with the Lawn Darts.

    All happy memories.

 

Well, except for when
Uncle Doug got a little too close.

    So, when I get up Monday morning, I’m going to fly my flag before heading off to see the Memorial Day parade.  I’ll place my hand over my heart when the national anthem is played at the wreath-laying.  And hang on to every word spoken by a veteran from either the American Legion or the VFW.

    Then, I’ll go home to see if I can cook a hot dog better than my dad.