History Without a Net

    I've been meaning to do something for quite some time now (no,

"Give me a 'K'!"

"K!"

"Give me an 'E'!"

"'E'!'"

"Give me an 'N'!"

"'N'!"

"What's it spell!?"
"Decrepit old nerd who 

pees in the middle of the night!"

not that cheerleader and Cool Whip thing.  Sadly, that ship has sailed.  I'm lucky to go a whole night without having to get up to pee.

    I've always wanted to write a history book, but never felt like putting in all the hours that a serious examination of the past would require.  Neither did I feel like going through the trouble of setting these words to print, ESPECIALLY since there are countless history books already out there.  I figured, why bother?  Not like I'm going to make any money off it.

 

Still on Amazon.  

Still ignored by millions.

  As it is, the hideous books that I have already written haven't made me any real money. The good news is that I enjoy writing those silly bits of stuff and nonsense (hey, that sounds familiar.).

    






FULL DISCLOSURE:  It was never about making money, anyway. One of the things the woman who entered my life in late 2017 and departed in early 2018 said (besides "FU"), "Writing is kind of a hobby for you, isn't it?"  As it turns out, she was right (okay, she was also right about that "FU" bit, too).

 

I may never retire, though.  

I'm having too much fun.  

Said no one ever.

  Maybe when I retire from life in the fast lane of cleaning toilets and mopping floors, I'll look into more effective marketing and sales of my books.  Until then, I'll just indulge my hobby.

    






    Anyway...my point is I still want to write some sort of history.  Although my intent is that it wouldn't be for mass-marketing.  You probably won't see it placed on bookshelves along side such literary hard-hitters such as William F. Buckley, Doris Kearns Goodwin, or Jackie Collins.

If you do, get out of that bookstore.

    For those who've been with me for several years (seriously, you really oughta get out of the house) and have read some of my "history" posts, you know I sometimes (okay, mostly) play loosely with the facts.  This is due primarily because I want to make history somewhat enjoyable. Let's face it, a lot of it is pretty downright depressing.  After all, a strict discussion of the Bubonic Plague would pretty much be a buzzkill.  Let's inject some laughs (at this point, I don't know how, but you get my point).
    
On the other hand, maybe there is some funny about the plague....

"Pull my finger?"
"Sorry.  Can't.  Your arm fell off."

Too soon?

    Plus (and most importantly) who the hell wants to do the research to get all the facts straight?  Ain't nobody got time for that.  I've got other books to write and Facebook posts to make, yo.

    What I'll do (once again, those who've been here a while know

For example...

Xerxes the Great's little brother 

probably wasn't Herschel the So-So

this), I'll just riff about the topic at hand without doing any extensive examination of the facts.  Rather, I'll be using whatever knowledge that I've gleaned from my years of schooling.  I'll do some quick reading just to make sure I don't make any crazy outrageous statements (you know, like a reality star could wind up as presi...oh.  Wait.).  

    But, essentially, I'll be working "without a net" here.

    So, starting next week, I'll be providing weekly installments of the history of the world.  Not everything, mind you.  Just those things which interest me.  Let's face it, some parts in our history are just kind of boring.  Like the Lydians (who?), Invention of the Paperclip, or Ancient Chinese Secrets.

"Is not chicken in General Tso's?"

"Not exactly a secret there, Hoss."

   I'm positive I'll insult some cultures, religions, or societies along the way.  It's not serious (you probably grasped that by now), though.  I'll even poke fun at white middle-aged conservative Catholic guys.  Who never had a shot with cheerleaders in their best days, anyway.

    See you next week when I discuss how the Flintstones probably weren't the first men.  HINT:  It was more than just ties.  

    Incidentally, I'm more of a "Betty" guy than a "Wilma" guy.

"I told you a tie with no shoes was stupid.  

Who do you think you are, some Greenwich Village hipster?  

Oh, and by the way...Betty?  You're a bitch."