Tic Toc

     Like sand through the hourglass....

    While I still have a little time before I turn 70,

Ten months

I still feel the inexorable march toward when I must consider myself "elderly."

"Don't get cocky."
"Anything can happen in ten months, ya know."

    While I don't, at 68, think of myself as "old," certainly not "elderly," I'm well past the time when I can consider myself "middle-aged."  

    Unless, that is, I live to 136.

After all, I'm not Keith Richards.

    I guess I should consider myself lucky.  Imagine what I'll be saying when I'm 78.

"Again."

    At any rate, since I'm on Medicare and have qualified for curbside voting for three years, I guess I am over the hill.  And am unable to see the peak behind me.

    Especially since my body has already provided me a list:

      1.  I no longer fart with great confidence.

NOTE:  This was a line by Melissa McCarthy in Bridesmaids, but I loved it so much I've taken to quoting it.  And not just because it's true.

      2.  My body is out of warranty, and they don't make replacement parts anymore.

      3.  I identify with those Progressive commercials about young homeowners who are becoming their parents.  Especially the one about needing paper tickets to get on an airplane.  Well, why not?

      4.  I won't stand to pee.  Okay, possible TMI, but standing is tiring and who knows where that stream is going to go?

      5.  Water gives me gas.

      6.  I need a nap soon after I get out of bed.

      7.  I won't clip my toenails anymore and actually have a podiatrist do it.  They have the sturdiest power tools. 

      8.  I wear suspenders.

      9.  I saw Barry Manilow and Tom Jones in concert and bitched about how loud they were.

    10.  I won't balance on one foot to put socks on anymore.  One concussion is enough.

    There's more, of course, but it's almost nine o'clock.