"I" is For "Ivan the Terrible"

 

"I" is For "Ivan the Terrible"

Originally known as "Ivan the Smells Terrible."

    Ivan IV Vasilyevich was born on August 25, 1530 (that would be August 15^th , according to the Julian calendar.  Learn all about that way of dating things in my post about Pope Gregory.  Holy crap!  It’s like these things are connected!).

    HINT:  They’re not.  This is purely coincidental.

    He died of a stroke while playing chess on March 28, 1584 (or March 18.  Once again...).

I hadn't realized chess was dangerous.  Who knew?

    He ascended the throne in 1533 after his father died while playing checkers.  He was only three at the time (Ivan, not his dad.  That would be impossible.  And silly).  I mean, here I thought Alexander Severus becoming Emperor of Rome at 13 was nuts (as described in my ‘E’ post.  Wow!  These things are connected!).  His first gig was Grand Prince of Moscow and all Russia.

Young Ivan

Young Sheldon

    In 1547, after a massive reorganization of the Russia bureaucracy by his Minister of All Things Russian and Orange, he became the nation’s first Tsar and Grand Prince of all Russia.

"My great-great-great-great grandfather, Sergei Vasily Trumpanovenich, was a genius, a truly remarkable man light years ahead of his time, to be honest.  A pioneer, really.  He saw a need to bump up the bureaucracy and filled it.  Notice it says Grand Prince, not Sleepy Prince.
  Thank you for your attention in this matter."

This job would continue to the 20^th Century when Nicholas II and his family would be shot by the Bolsheviks.

"Hey. did any of you hear a noise?"

Fun Fact (really): “Tsar” is the Russian version of “Caesar.”  Likewise, “Kaiser” is the German version. 

And a type of roll.

    Ivan’s reign was marked by Russian transformation from a medieval state to a fledgling empire as he sought increased contact with other European powers, especially England.

Who, let's face it, had the Codpiece Market cornered.

.   Of course, feudal serfdom would remain until the late 19^th century.  Baby steps, you know.

    He revised legal codes, reorganized the bureaucracy, and created Russia’s first standing army

Prior to that, they just skied.

and brought the first printing press to Russia, after a late-night, vodka-fueled purchase from Eastern Europe eBay. 

    What’s significant is that he implemented the practice of “oprichina’” a state policy which eliminated much of the opposition to his rule, including a purge of people who didn’t like chess.

    In 1588, he triggered the Livonian War, a war which Russia lost.

Which Livonians commemorate as the "FAFO War."

    His later years was marked by the Massacre of Novgorod in 1570, which became the most vicious of oprichina brutality.  Casualties were estimated to be in the thousands.

Resulting in Ivan being stricken from their Christmas card list.

    Few people know he wasn’t originally called “Ivan the Terrible.”  In the beginning of his reign (remember, he was three), he was known as “Ivan the Bedwetter.”  Starting in his adolescence, he was called "Ivan the Ill-Tempered.”

"Teenagers, amirite?"

     However, a successful campaign by the citizens of Novgorod had that changed to “Terrible.”

     I mean, can you blame them?

NOTE:  Okay, seriously (no kidding).  “Terrible” is taken from the Russian “grozny,” which more accurately translates to “awesome” or “impressive.”  It wouldn’t necessarily mean “terrible,” as we consider it today.

    Although, I’d bet you’d get an argument from the Novgorodians.