'X' is for 'Xerxes."

Full Disclosure:  I think I've written about Xerxes every year that I did the A-Z Challenge.  Partly, because the letter 'X' is somewhat challenging.  But, mostly because the topic tickles me.  

      Sure to be a future Easter classic, 300 on TNT is the story of 300 (that’s where they get the title...duh) Spartans led by King Gerard Butler against the evil Persians of...uh...Persia.

Told ya.

Interestingly enough, 300 also featured Lena Headey. 
You may recognize her as Cers...naw, that would be too easy

    For almost two hours, these brave warriors use sword, spear, and pectoral muscles against the very best the enemy can fling at them.  It’s only after the treachery of some guy who would make Congresswoman Rosa de Lauro from Connecticut look attractive that the Greeks are defeated.

You know, on second thought...

"HEY!!"

    Rather than the buff-boy Spartans, I grew curious about Leonidas’ opponent, Xerxes.

"Hey, how can you separate the men from the boys in Greece?"
"I dunno.  How?"
"A crowbar." 

    Xerxes the Great was born in 519 BC (or "BCE" to you politically-correct ninnies) to Atossa and Darius the Great.  Both of his parents were descended from Achaemenes, but of different Achaemenid lines.  The source documents are pretty clear on that as they wanted to leave no doubt there was no incest hanky-panky going on.  After all, they weren’t Egyptians.  

After all, what could go wrong with that?

    Anyway, Darius knew that marrying a daughter of the great Cyrus the Great (but I’m being redundant) would certainly help his plan for kingship.  Plus, it would smooth his application to the Nineveh Country Club.

    NOTE:  Apparently, the suffix “the Great” was a pretty big thing in ancient Persia.  

Which was why Darius' little brother, Herschel the So-So, was never taken seriously

    Anyway, Darius was pissed at off at everyone, from Babylon to that guy who sold him those Kinoki foot pads.  But, he was most hacked off at the Greeks.  Who, besides having grass and a recipe for some kick-ass souvlaki, had some of the sweetest nude beaches in the Mediterranean.  So, he made intense preparations for an invasion of...Egypt.

    Hey, I didn’t write this stuff.

    Before he left the country, he was required to name a successor.  I guess this was just in case he got whacked.  Or was having too much fun on a Greek beach.

    Before doing so, he contracted with Gambino and Sons building contractors to build him a tomb.  After permits were finally approved once the Zoning Officer found the head of a camel in his bed, construction began at Naqsh-e Rostam (yeah, I’m not going to look it up, either).  Freed from the stress of planning his final resting spot and picking out window treatments, Darius then named his son, Xerxes, as his successor.

This Xerxes.

Not LGBTQ+1 Xerxes.

     Okay, this has become wicked long.  You’re probably getting pretty tired of reading this.  Besides, you have other Challenge posts to get to.  So...I have a few choices: 

1.  I could edit this way down.  But, that would deny you valuable insight into the story of a man who terrorized the cradle of democracy.  Plus, editing’s hard.

2.  I could keep writing.  But, that would result in a beastly long post which would make a Stephen King novel look as big as “The Wit and Wisdom of Al Gore.”  You’d then stop reading and off you’d go to www.bigbooty.com (I’ve no idea if this is a real site).

HINT:  I wouldn't click on it, though.  Just to be safe.

3.  Or I could continue this tomorrow.  But, the A-Z Challenge requires that I go on to the next letter, which is ‘Y.’  Sure, I could write Xerxes Part II in addition to a post on ‘Y,’ but are you nuts?  This stuff is tough enough.

    So, I’m going to continue this sometime in May. 

In other words...to be continued on May 5th... 

in ...

 The Great Xerxes the Great Sequel!