'K' is for 'Kidd'

 

     

I know.  Not what I expected, either. 
More like Goldilocks, amirite?

    William Kidd was a Scottish privateer, who was born in Dundee, Scotland, sometime in 1645.  Eventually, he was to settle in New York City, because he heard they had the best pizza and the women were less fuzzy.

"Aye, but it keeps the lass' faces warm, ye daft git!"

     He’s better known as “Captain Kidd” (you may have gleaned that by the title of this post) and died on May 23, 1701.  Why the exact date for his death, you may be asking.  Don’t worry, I’ll get to it.  Although, it didn’t end well.

     In 1695, the Captain was commissioned as a privateer by the Earl of Bellomont, governor of New York, Massachusetts Bay*, and New Hampshire.  Kidd was directed to protect English interests in North America and the West Indies.  He was also charged with attacking French ships smuggling pastries in the Indian Ocean.

Wrong captain.

Better. 
But also wrong.

Okay, there ya go.  
Yar.

    Even though that was a helluva long way from the Caribbean.  Yeah, I don’t know.  Get off my back.  That’s what Wikipedia said.

     Anyway, he was pretty successful and managed to capture several ships and amass quite a treasure trove of booty.

 

Wrong booty

Definitely wrong booty. 
Holy crap.

    Well, as “luck” would have it, the mood in England began to turn against him.  Thus spurred, Bellomont (some people say that he was trying to deflect attention from his own "piracy-themed" activities) issued orders for his arrest once he put into port in Boston.  

 

To guarantee local opposition, Bellomont ordered Kidd
and his crew to wear Yankees caps once they dropped anchor. 

    Even though the trip to Beantown was pretty detailed, and may have involved Kidd burying some of his booty while searching for a nice, clean rest room,

Again...

suffice to say he was taken into custody once he arrived.  He was tried in London, all the way across the Atlantic (still better than the Indian Ocean).

     He was found guilty,

and executed by hanging** in 1701.

    Then, as if killing the dude wasn’t bad enough, they threw his body in a gibbet***, where it remained for three years as a warning to would-be pirates.  And to seriously funk the neighborhood up.

 

And here you thought pirates were all goofy, fun guys.

*Fun Fact: at the time, Massachusetts also included Maine, thus cornering the market on flannel shirts.

 **Fun Fact #2:  Kidd was hanged twice.  The rope broke on the first attempt, but wouldn’t you know, those English assholes decided to try again.  Well, what do you expect?   

 

Look what they did to Mel Gibson

***Fun Fact:  If you were paying attention, you’d know what a “gibbet” is.  It was the word I used for the letter ‘G.’  You’re welcome.  

"At least I was dead.  Pretty creepy, though."