'G' is for 'Gibbet'

  

According to a dictionary I found on the internet (hey, it’s probably as reliable as Wikipedia), a “gibbet” is:

    (jib it)

1.  A device used for hanging a person until dead; a gallows
2. An upright post with a crosspiece forming to make a T-shaped structure from which criminals were hung for public viewing.
3.  A kind of gallow.  This, to me, sounds repetitive.  Because, after all, doesn’t it say the same thing as #1?

 

"Hey, you suck."

"Okay, I take it back."

    

"Well, that's me dead."

    I know it says it's a "T-shaped" structure.  None of the above is T-shaped, although I have found a picture that does show a gibbet like that, which can accommodate two people.  But, I didn't post it because I figure you get the point. 

    A “giblet,” on the other hand refers to the “edible viscera of a bird.”

"Mmmmm......bird viscera giblet with gravy........."

      Both seem kinda gross. if you ask me.

    Anyway, a gibbet is a medieval form of punishment (which went along with “gibbeting,” meaning “hanging from chains") whereby a criminal, charged with treason, murder, buggery, or spitting on the street, was placed inside a cage and hung for passersby to look and gawk at.

 

"Whoaaaaaa, that can't be good.  I'd better watch where I spit."
Hey, this looks like one of those "T-shaped" gibbets.  Well, whaddya know?

    Most of the time, offenders were dead when put inside but, almost just as often, they were placed in them alive.  Where they would stay until they died of exposure, starvation, or heartbreak of psoriasis.

    Along the way, their bodies would be pecked away at by birds and their giblets, worn away by the elements, and eaten by bugs.

    Yeah, imagine that smell.

 

"And here is your spacious back yard with a breathtaking river view and a gibbet. 
Which isn't too, too bad.  Until the wind shifts. 
Then, you might want to stay inside."

     Even though the practice started as early as the 16^th century, it wasn’t officially codified in England until the “Murder Act of 1752.”  There it remained in effect until it was banned in 1834 and replaced by the Royal Family Halitosis Act.

     One of the most notable criminals to suffer this fate was the notorious Captain Kidd, gibbeted in London in 1701.

 

"Yar."

Who, frankly, would probably have preferred going that way than breathing the King’s bad breath.

"Ay, tis be true."

  

'F' is for 'Flinders'

 

    As my parents were told when I was born, this will be a short one.

Captain Matthew Flinders
16 MAR 1774-19 JUL 1814

    Matthew Flinders was a Royal Navy Captain (the picture probably gave it away), navigator, and cartographer who led the first circumnavigation of mainland Australia.  Although it was then called New Holland (which leads me to believe it was first discovered by the Dutch, who lavished cheese, chocolate, and tulips upon the aborigines.  I don't feel like looking it up, though).

Also the Dutch:

"Says here we're supposed to stick our fingers in some dikes. 
Fetch Midshipman Clinton."

    Flinders was also the first to use the term, "Australia," as he deemed the existing "Terra Australis" was too clunky to say (seriously?).  This would also include Von Diemens Land (present day Tasmania).

Home of the Tasmanian Devil

Not this Tasmania Devil.
I'm starting to suspect Looney Tunes isn't a documentary, after all.

    Unfortunately for Flinders, he became a prisoner of the French (England and France being at war then) in December, 1803.  He would eventually be paroled on June 10, 1810 when he would then return to England.

    Flinders died on July 19, 1814 of kidney pie disease.  

    Meaning he would miss getting his ass kicked in New Orleans by General Andrew Jackson.

If you want to learn more about Matthew Flinders (why?) I encourage you seek out his entry on Wikipedia.

    You know, I had to admit to being a little disappointed in my research.

I thought it was spelled Flanders.

'E' is for 'Easter'

 

Spring has sprung

The grass is ris

I wonder where the birdies is?

 

That’s right, the warmer weather is slowly returning.

To the Northern Hemisphere.  I can’t speak for you lot in Australia and New Zealand.  Look on the bright side, though.  It will get warm again before you know it.  

And you don’t have Donald Trump.

  Or Joe Biden.

Anyway, the first of the Spring holidays, Easter is fast approaching.  Now, this isn’t intended to cover all the trappings of the most sacred day of the Christian faith.  Nor will I delve into what kind of freak of nature rabbit can lay eggs.

"I have therefore signed an Executive Order directing that every Easter egg will be a beautiful shade of orange and will be laid only by true, heroic, American rabbits who identify as chickens."

 

This post will be long enough as it is.

“Easter” is also known as “Pascha,” “Resurrection Sunday,” or “Feast of Our Lord.”  For devout Christians, it commemorates when their Savior rose from the dead three days after being crucified by the Romans in Jerusalem.

 If you don’t believe me, just ask Mel Gibson.

 The English word ”Easter” draws its roots from the Anglo-Saxon “Oestre” which is…ahhhh, that may be where we get the custom of Easter bunnies and peanut-butter filled chocolate eggs (because, quite frankly, I’m thinking peanut-butter filled chocolate crosses may be slightly sacrilegious).

Huh.  I stand corrected.

Easter usually takes places around the Jewish holiday Passover-a fact which I will cover when we get to the letter ‘P.’  Just be patient.  Usually around the same time, but not always.  For instance, Passover last year was a month after Easter.

 Interestingly, the Hebrew word for “Passover” is “Pesach” while the Aramaic word for “Passover” is…wait for it…”Pascha.”

Huh.  So, that’s why Jesus and his apostles didn’t get BLTs at the Last Supper.

I may have used this exact joke (and picture, by the way) in the "Passover" post.  Sue me.

When does Easter occur, you might say?  Well, we can all agree that it is a Sunday.  The specific date was determined at the Council of Nacaea in AD 325 (or “CE” for you politically-correct ninnies).  They determined that it would happen on the first Sunday after the first full moon after the vernal equinox.

NOTE:  Not going to explain what the “vernal” equinox means.  Basically, first day of Spring.

Trust me.  It has nothing to do with this Vern. 
And not just because he's dead.

 Or whenever the calendar says.

 

"Well, that's settled.  Who wants lunch?"
"Can we have BLTs?"
"Certainly.  We're all Catholics now."

Why? Well, people back then tracked things on a lunisolar basis, using the Julian calendar and the sun and the moon.

Luckily, the practice of using the entrails of an owl had fallen out of favor.

Thanks in large part to the efforts of Owls Lives Matter

 Eventually, though, Pope Gregory decided he wanted a calendar named after him because Julius Caesar had that salad.  So, the Gregorian Calendar was used.

Actually, no he didn't.

 Wouldn’t you know it, though, the Eastern Orthodox Church still used the Julian calendar.  So, their Easter wasn’t necessarily the same time as our Easter (the nuns told me we could say “our” Easter because we were the first real Catholics).

 

And our priests couldn't get laid.

Meaning Orthodox Easter was usually after “Sad Priest” Easter.  This year, though, both Easters are on the same day, April 20^th.

"What!?  No sales on Easter candy?"
"No.  But we can get laid."
"Oh.  Well, there's that. then."

That about wraps things up here.  Gotta go find me some Reese’s eggs.

"Mmmmmmmm........Reeses eggs........"

Oh, and those birds?  I’ll tell you exactly where they is.  Crapping on my windshield.   

'D' is For 'Djoser'

Djoser was also known as 'Djeser,' 'Zoser,' or 'Hoser.'  Probably.

Earliest known depiction of Pharaoh Djoser. 
Mostly because cameras hadn't been invented yet,

You know, good point. 
Did ancient Egyptians have noses?

Djoser was pharaoh of Ancient Egypt,

Not to be confused with Pharaoh Phil's Phalafel of Modern Egypt

during the 3rd Dynasty of the Old Kingdom from 2686-2648 BC (or "BCE" to you politically-correct ninnies).  Something like that.  Basically, a long time ago.

He is most remembered for...ah...um...oh, yeah, being pharaoh during the time when Upper and Lower Egypt united.

This is what it looked like.  Cool, huh?
  No, I don't know if they were red and white. 
Probably, maybe, I don't know.
Okay, there was more to it than cool hats.

"Someone say 'cool hats'?"

Okay, gonna help out those who don't know.  "Upper" Egypt refers to the upper reaches of the Nile River.  Now, while the Nile 

"Hey, that rhymes.  I made a funny."

 flows south to north, the upper Nile would actually be south.

    Get it?

    Good.

    Anyway, other than that, Djoser lead a military expedition into the Sinai Peninsula to give Egypt some sort of a buffer from those troublemakers in the Levant, dig around for minerals, or throw Hamas into the Mediterranean.

    Since it was so long ago, sources are unclear.

Although, that Hamas thing sounds totally legit.

    After he died (good Lord, I hope it was after), he was entombed in the famous step-pyramid at Saqqara.  While not too far away from the other, more famous, pyramids near Cairo, Djoser's tomb was pretty much left on its own.

After all, no decent pyramid wants to be seen with a step-pyramid.

NOTE:  Yes, that is me.  My ship had anchored in Alexandria in May, 1979.  It sponsored a tour to Cairo and its environs.  This was in 1979, mind you, several years before the folks in that region of the world became batshit crazy.

NOTE WHICH HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH DJOSER:  Birgit from "BB Creations" has told me that she is unsure what I mean by "BCE/CE" and "BC/AD."  Since she is confused, others of you may be. as well.  Therefore, if you want to know what it's all about (and my opinion of it), I encourage you to visit  What's In a Name?"  Just know that, if you do visit, it will be the last post following a series of other poss.  If you don't visit, carry on to letter "E" tomorrow."

'C' is For 'Caesar'

 

"Et tu, Penwasser? 
By the way, have you seen my eyes?"

  I chose this post to talk about what may be a little-known fact about Julius Caesar.

No, he didn't invent the salad. 
I think it was a Mexican or someone like that.

  Julius Caesar, several years before he became a pin-cushion in the Roman Senate, was part of the First Triumvirate, along with Marcus Licinius Crassus and Pompey the Great.

"Meh.  More like 'Pompey the So-So,' if you ask me." -Mrs. Pompey

      Anyway, once Crassus died in Parthia (near modern-day Iraq)

"Betcher ass.  Infidel."

Caesar and Pompey fell out.  Thus began what was known as "Caesar's Civil War."  Kinda gives you an idea who won, huh?  

  Anyway, after the Battle of Pharsalus (won by Caesar), Pompey fled first to the island of Lesbos to meet his wife.

"Still 'so-so,' if I can be honest."

  Then, hoping to curry favor with the Egyptians, who had not yet fallen under control of Rome, he hustled off to Pelusium.  There, he hoped to meet up with a former client, Ptolemy XIII (who was co-ruler with his sister, Cleopatra VII).

Yeah, that Cleopatra. 
Oh, you don't want the Hollywood version? 
Very well.

Hey, I tried to warn you.

  

  

  Well, Ptolemy wasn't all that keen on taking the risk of offending Caesar so he ordered his advisors, Lucius Septimius and Achillas to murder Pompey once he stepped ashore on September 28th, 48 BC (or "BCE" to you politically-correct ninies) 

  Once Caesar showed up, he was presented with the Roman general's severed head.  Apparently, cutting heads off in that part of the world to make sure someone is dead has been around for thousands of years.

"You know it.  Infidel."

  This did not set too well with ole Jules.

  He was pretty hacked off that they had done so to a man, who was not only great,

"So they say."

but, most importantly, a Roman citizen, former ally, and consul.  He was disgusted and wept publicly. He then ordered the execution of those directly responsible for the murder. Lucius Septimius was put to death by Caesar’s forces, and Achillas met a similar fate during the subsequent Alexandrian War, though his death was more a result of military conflict than a direct execution for Pompey’s killing.

Caesar’s actions were strategic as well as emotional—he aimed to distance himself from the dishonorable act of murdering a Roman of Pompey’s stature and to assert his authority in Egypt. By punishing the killers, he also signaled that he wouldn’t tolerate such betrayal, even if it had been intended to benefit him. This episode helped solidify his image as a leader who valued Roman dignity, even in victory.

Even though he was fully engaged in a brutal civil war with the man, it was up to him to deal with Pompey.

No flunkies of no mere Egyptian would have the honor of dealing with Pompey the Great.

"Again..."

In other words....

"Lesbos.  Alright."