"V" is For "Vlad the Impaler

 NOTE:  Okay, like with Kublai Khan, I’m throwing another repeat at you.  Although, this is from a few years ago so I very much doubt anyone will remember it.  Also, most of the people coming to visit for the A-Z Challenge (thank you) are brand new and haven’t even see this at all.  At any rate, I hope you come back when things return to “normal.”  There’s nothing better to make you feel good about yourself than reading this nonsense.

    So...on with the show. 

“V” is For “Vlad the Impaler”

 

Rockin' that 1470s porn stash

    Vlad III, Prince of Wallachia (we Americans will probably never know where that is unless we start a war there),

"As long as they don't develop werewolves."

Just to be safe.
Just south of Transylvania.
Yeah.  There really is such a place.

was a member of the House of Dracula (no kidding), 

Or House of Pancakes.  Sources are unclear.

and is commonly known as Vlad Tepes, or "Vlad the Impaler."  This pretty much hacked off Chip Tepes.

"Wait.  I thought impaling was my thing."

     Born in 1431, Vlad died (or did he?), in 1476 at the age of 45 (go ahead, do the math.  I dare you). 

    His reputation for excessive cruelty inspired Bram Stoker to write the classic novel, Dracula (now you know where he got the name).  And Hollywood, being Hollywood, churned out countless vampire movies in which impaling never was really a big player.

"But neck biting.  Totally a thing."

    Impaling, for those of you who do not know, involves running a pointed stick up through the body.  If still alive (I can't imagine anyone would have been, but maybe. Who knows?  I never met too many impalees), the human shish-kabobs are stuck in the ground to serve as a warning to others not to mess with Vlad III (who was much fiercer than his father, Vlad II the Floral Arranger).

"Yikes, that's just gotta hurt. 
Better not piss myself off.  Or Chip."

    Be that as it may, Vlad is a national hero in Bulgaria and Romania (I thought we were talking Wallachia?  Geez, those people just can't make up their minds).  He fought a series of vicious wars against the Ottomans, thus preserving his peoples' freedoms.

    Stories that he was a monster began circulating sometime before his death and grew in intensity in the centuries afterward.  Many of these tales originated from the Turks (surprise) and the Germans (yeah, as if those people had a lot of room to talk).

    I suspect that, while I'm quite sure they had some basis in fact, most of the hysteria was overblown.  Much like the stories of Americans tossing thousands of Japanese-Americans into internment camps.

Oh.  Wait.

    At the very least, the only crime that I can see that Vlad is guilty of is that mustache.

    And the hat.

    Probably got a free bowl of soup with that hat.

    Which is much better than a flagpole shoved up your anus.

    More than likely.

"Oh, I don't know."

"U" is For "Urban"

 

"U" is For Urban"

    Okay, I didn’t expect to do so, but I’m going to write a second post about a pope.  The first was about Pope Gregory (for the letter “G”).

    I would have preferred a little more variety here, but (like “X”), the letter “U” didn’t give me a whole lot of options.  I suppose I could have gone with “Caliph Uthman,” but after so many letters, I was getting tired of presenting vague characters of history.

"Not a little hurtful, to be honest."

    Anyway....

    Pope Urban II, originally known as “Odo of Chatillon” or “Odo de Lagery,” was born in, no surprise, France around the year 1035.

Pope Urban II

Pope Suburban I

    Sidebar, your honor?  Google is a wonderful thing.  When I asked “How many popes have been named Urban?”, I learned that there were eight of them.  The last, Urban VIII, died in 1644.

    After presenting a dozen French pastries to the College of Cardinals, he became pope and ruler of the Papal States on March 12, 1088, where he remained until his death on July 29, 1095.

It varied, of course, but you get the picture

    NOTE:  For those who don’t know, the papacy is a lifetime gig.  Like the Supreme Court.  And lead singer for the Rolling Stones.

    As pope, he is known for his conflicts against what was known as the Antipope, Clement III, infighting among various Christian nations who couldn’t agree on whether mead was “Less filling” or “Tasted Great,” and a Turkish incursion into Anatolia.

Also known as "Turkey."
Note:  already used "The More You Know," but, once again, you get the picture.

    But, what he is best known is his leadership during the Council of Clermont, when he demanded clean rest rooms.  And for Christians throughout the world (and by “Christians,” I mean “Catholic”) for a holy crusade to toss the infidel Muslims from the Holy Land.

"That's right, we were saying 'infidel' long before 'infidel' became cool."

    If they did this holy service, Urban II promised forgiveness for their sins, fresh underwear,

"AND A BUCKET OF MUD BLESSED BY SAINT PETER HIMSELF!"

    Somehow, he was able to convince enough of the devout (imagine if there had been social media back then.  People would still be bitching) to head on over to the Middle East   

Where killing each other is the national sport.

to wage the first of about seven (or eight-I don’t feel like looking it up) crusades.

    I swear the Crusades had more sequels than Rocky movies.

    The First Crusade would, by the way, be the most successful one.

Meanwhile, during the Fifth Crusade...
"Okay, let's go kill us some infidels!  Who's with me?  Fellas?  Fellas??"

    They even occupied Jerusalem.

    Twelve days before Pope Urban II died.

    After which he was bathed in a bucket of holy mud.

    Remember, this is the Middle Ages we’re talking about.

"T" is For "Truman"

 

"T" is For "Truman"

    Lissa, on my post about Joan of Arc, made the comment that, finally, it was someone she had heard of.  While the whole point of my theme for this year's challenge is to highlight those from history who may not be as well known, I decided to go with someone a little more familiar (than the "S" guy).  So, this one's for you, Lissa.

    Harry S Truman was the 34^th vice-president of the United States until April 12, 1945 when Franklin Delano Roosevelt died.  Then he became the 33^rd president.

"I think it's just gas." 
"Motherfu..."

    Now, mind you, some vice-presidents turned out to be great presidents.

    Some, not so much...

   

In my opinion, Truman falls in the former category.

    Harry Truman was born in Lamar Missouri on May 8, 1884.

    FUN FACT:  The “S” in Truman’s name is not an abbreviation for anything.  Rather, it is an homage to both of his grandfathers.  So, it’s not improper to omit the period altogether, something Truman himself did.

    Anyway, Truman was selected as FDR’s running mate in 1944 because many of the poohbahs in the Democratic party felt that POTUS would not live for the entire term.  The present VP, Wallace, was deemed too extreme so Truman would sit better with the establishment.

So, it's been a concern in the past

    Unfortunately, FDR had little over a year in office before he crapped out and Truman was sworn in.

"Winston, new guy.  New guy, Winston.  New Guy only has letter for middle name. 
Is frikkin' crazy or what?"

    Of course, the war in Europe was just about over, so that was good for Harry.  However, the Japanese remained a formidable foe.  After the Allies mapped out a strategy during the Potsdam Conference which declared the final defeat of the Empire the priority

    Truman authorized dropping two atomic bombs on Hiroshima and Nagasaki.

    NOTE:  Yes, he kept the existence of nukes a secret.  Didn’t you pay attention in school?

People debate whether this was the right call to this day. 
Not here, though.  Another post for another day.

      Japan surrendered, Godzilla was born, and the United States built a few bases.

    Truman is known for his bulldog determination and martialing of the Marshall Plan (see what I did there?) and creation of what’s known as the Truman Doctrine, which essentially set the foundation of the forming of NATO.

    He won reelection as president in his own right in 1948 over  Republican Thomas Dewey.

"Psych!"

"FAKE NEWS!!!"

  It was during this term in office that the Korean Conflict started seeing the initial deployment of NATO troops and giving Alan Alda a great idea for a TV series.  

    It was during this “police action” that Truman fired noted narcissist and loudmouth, General Douglas MacArthur, thus reinforcing the concept of civilian control over the military.

"Old soldiers never die.  They also never shut their pieholes."

    In the 1952 election, Harry Truman returned to Missouri with his wife Bess (who he married June 28, 1919, after serving on active duty with the Army).  

Bess was no Jackie O, that's for sure.

"That's more than a little cruel, don'tcha think?"

But she was no Eleanor, either.

"Thank you for that."

      He left with little fanfare.

    In other words, to paraphrase Doug, “Truman didn’t die.  He just faded away.”

    Until he did die on December 26, 1972, in Kansas City.    

    Missouri.

    Because Kansas City, Kansas. Sucks.

    Oh boy, here comes the hate mail.

"Dear Penwasser bastard,
You suck.
Screw you,
Mayor 
Kansas City, Kansas."

     

       

"S" is For "Shenzong"

 

"S" is For "Shenzong"  

"Motherfu...I can't see my feet."

"Same."

"Same."

  Emperor Shenzong of Song 

Roy Chen of Dance

was the sixth emperor of China’s Song Dynasty.

    Born as a baby on May 25, 1048, he began his reign in 1067 and ruled until April 1, 1085 when he died of an unspecified illness.

"Which may or may not have been Chinese Monkey Pox."

Meanwhile, for some perspective...Europe in the 11th century...

    The Song Dynasty would last until the last few years of the 13^th century when it was replaced by the...oh, hell, that would mean even more research. His original personal name was Zhoa Zhongzhen, but he changed it to Zhoa Xu when he acceded to the throne.

    NOTE:  Yeah, like you, I don’t really know where “Shenzong” came from, either, but I’m pressing on.  But, in a pinch, the names he used both prior and during his rule would have been perfect for ‘X’ or ‘Z.’ So, there’s that.

    Anyway, whatever his name was, he was best known for supporting the programs of one of his councilors, Wang Anshi, in what was uncreatively called the “New Policy.”

"He said 'Wang'."

    These new policies concentrated on improving the lives of the peasant class and the unemployed.  As a result, each peasant was given a rock to make soup and the unemployed were given jobs collecting rocks.  Results were mixed.

    Shenzong was also motivated to expand Song territory, and solving fiscal, bureaucratic, and military problems throughout various reform programs.

"I'd also like to know where all the rocks went."

    He championed military incursions against Western Xia forces in the Qing prefecture (look at the map).  Initially, Song forces did quite well until they attempted to subdue the Xia city of Yongle in 1082.

Xixia.  Western Xia with a stutter.

    For various reasons (which I’m sure would be self-evident if I bothered to look them up), Song forces were rebuffed (after first being buffed) and they withdrew back to their territory.

    As a result, the Xia remained strong and would persist as a thorn in the side of the Song for years to come.

    Shenzong took the defeat quite seriously.  Scholars have pointed out that this pretty much destroyed his rule as he withdrew into seclusion and made paper origami ducks and watched Jackie Chan puppet shows.

    A broken man, he died (like I said above.  Kindly pay attention).

    Hopefully, he went to whatever kind of paradise he believed in because he went with a Song and a Prayer.