"U" is For "Urban"

 

"U" is For Urban"

    Okay, I didn’t expect to do so, but I’m going to write a second post about a pope.  The first was about Pope Gregory (for the letter “G”).

    I would have preferred a little more variety here, but (like “X”), the letter “U” didn’t give me a whole lot of options.  I suppose I could have gone with “Caliph Uthman,” but after so many letters, I was getting tired of presenting vague characters of history.

"Not a little hurtful, to be honest."

    Anyway....

    Pope Urban II, originally known as “Odo of Chatillon” or “Odo de Lagery,” was born in, no surprise, France around the year 1035.

Pope Urban II

Pope Suburban I

    Sidebar, your honor?  Google is a wonderful thing.  When I asked “How many popes have been named Urban?”, I learned that there were eight of them.  The last, Urban VIII, died in 1644.

    After presenting a dozen French pastries to the College of Cardinals, he became pope and ruler of the Papal States on March 12, 1088, where he remained until his death on July 29, 1095.

It varied, of course, but you get the picture

    NOTE:  For those who don’t know, the papacy is a lifetime gig.  Like the Supreme Court.  And lead singer for the Rolling Stones.

    As pope, he is known for his conflicts against what was known as the Antipope, Clement III, infighting among various Christian nations who couldn’t agree on whether mead was “Less filling” or “Tasted Great,” and a Turkish incursion into Anatolia.

Also known as "Turkey."
Note:  already used "The More You Know," but, once again, you get the picture.

    But, what he is best known is his leadership during the Council of Clermont, when he demanded clean rest rooms.  And for Christians throughout the world (and by “Christians,” I mean “Catholic”) for a holy crusade to toss the infidel Muslims from the Holy Land.

"That's right, we were saying 'infidel' long before 'infidel' became cool."

    If they did this holy service, Urban II promised forgiveness for their sins, fresh underwear,

"AND A BUCKET OF MUD BLESSED BY SAINT PETER HIMSELF!"

    Somehow, he was able to convince enough of the devout (imagine if there had been social media back then.  People would still be bitching) to head on over to the Middle East   

Where killing each other is the national sport.

to wage the first of about seven (or eight-I don’t feel like looking it up) crusades.

    I swear the Crusades had more sequels than Rocky movies.

    The First Crusade would, by the way, be the most successful one.

Meanwhile, during the Fifth Crusade...
"Okay, let's go kill us some infidels!  Who's with me?  Fellas?  Fellas??"

    They even occupied Jerusalem.

    Twelve days before Pope Urban II died.

    After which he was bathed in a bucket of holy mud.

    Remember, this is the Middle Ages we’re talking about.