I Suppose I've Given Up

 

   You may not know this-of course you don’t know this, how could you know this?-I had cataract surgery on my right eye on March 23rd and my left eye on April 6th.  How in the world could he possibly have kept up such high standards during the A-Z Challenge, you’re probably asking yourself?

    Easy.  I’m that good.  I put the early April posts on delay.

    Plus, it wasn’t that hard.

    I have to tell you, the changes in my life are remarkable.  For the first time in 50 years, I can drive without glasses.

Yes, I'm that old. 
NOTE:  old picture of me still wearing glasses. 
What's more depressing?  I'm even older now.

    I’ve worn glasses since I was ten years old and no longer need them at all.  As a result of new eyes, whites are whiter

    and colors are more vibrant.

    Boy howdy, if this doesn’t sound like a laundry detergent commercial.

This may be racist. 
Ancient Chinese secret or no.

    Sure, instead of being nearsighted, I’m now farsighted.  The eye doctor could have fixed it so that I would have 20/20 vision, but it would have cost me an additional $4,000.  I ruled it out because, yeah, I’m now in my late 60s and couldn’t see pissing away that much money.

    I need reading glasses, but the kind you get off the rack at Walmart.

    Still, it’s a small price to pay to feel young again.

    Well, also in April, I decided I was growing tired of my trousers drooping to the point where a plumber’s crack was imminent.  No way I wanted to inflict that on anyone (who might confuse my rising moon with a credit card slot).

    A belt alone wasn’t getting the job done, so I had to look elsewhere.

    NOTE:  This condition was exacerbated by (probably) a growing belly and what my wife swears is a non-existent ass.  She is right about my keister.  It’s like I’m sporting a hairy welcome mat with a hole in the middle back there.

    So, I broke down and finally bought me a set of suspenders.  Even though I’m feel like an extra on Hee Haw, I have to admit that they get the job done.

Although, I've been told wearing a belt with suspenders
is a fashion faux pas.

    Still, visual renaissance notwithstanding, I feel like I’ve given up.

"Nonsense.  Welcome, friend."

    Although I can’t bring myself to wear the things outside of my shirt.  Rather, I clip them to my belt loop and toss a tee shirt over them so nobody’s the wiser.

   Except my wife.  

    "That's okay," she said.  "It's better than having to put up with a hairy welcome mat."