"P" is For "Princip"

"P" is For "Princip"

    World War One (known as the Great War at the time) began on July 28, 1914 and lasted until November 11, 1918, when the Allies forced Germany to accept a harsh peace that practically guaranteed a sequel.

    NOTE:  As part of the Treaty of Versailles, Germany was slapped with war guilt, even though there was plenty of blame to go around.  In my opinion, Russia played a big hand in starting the whole shebang.  Then they went all Soviet and pulled out of the war.  Jerks.

    Once again in my opinion (I have a bunch), WWI was a monstrous dick-measuring contest between, at least initially, European powers.  It went basically like this:

    Austria-Hungary declared war on Serbia.

    Russia, Serbia’s ally, declared war on Austria-Hungary.

    Germany, Austria-Hungary’s ally, declared war on Russia and Serbia.

    France, Russia’s ally, declared war on Germany and Austria-Hungary.

    Germany declared war on France.

"Vat can I say?  I vas cranky ven I sit on der helmet."

    To get to France, Germany took a detour through the Netherlands.

    Great Britain, no doubt saying “oh, bloody 'ell,” declared war on Germany because they were sworn to protect the Netherlands.  And they were allies with France.

"Oh, bloody 'ell."

    Told ya.

    The United States didn’t get into it until 1917 when Woodrow Wilson, that sanctimonious prick, talked Congress into declaring war on Germany.

    Of course, there were other countries involved (Australia, Bulgaria, Italy, and so on), but that’s pretty much it in a nutshell.  It was a stupid, stupid war which killed millions and set the stage for World War II.  Where millions more were killed.

And totally pissed off this crazy bastard

    NOTE:  The above is what I remember from school.  I didn’t feel like actually researching.

    What sparked this monstrosity, you might be asking?  Well, the catalyst was the assassination of the heir to the Austria-Hungary Empire, Franz Ferdinand, and his wife, Sophie, when they made a state visit to Sarajevo.

"You're not gonna wear that, are you? 
Wear the outfit with the feathers.  It's super fancy."

    The assassin?  Gavrilo Princip. 

"Well, it took you long enough to get to the point!"

    Princip, was a Bosnian Serb nationalist born on July 25, 1894.  When he was 13, he was sent to Sarajevo in Austrian-occupied Bosnia.  While there, and in experiences throughout the region, he developed a loathing for the Austrian government’s oppression of his people.

    Eventually joining a terrorist group known as the Black Hand, 

After initially confusing them with the Blackfeet

he convinced other like-minded individuals to assist him in the assassination of the heir presumptive to the Habsburg Empire.

"So, we're all agreed, Austria sucks, right?"
"Especially their waltzes."
"And to prove we mean business...I mean, look at our hats!"

    Even though the actual deed was a comedy of errors, Princip did eventually manage to shoot and kill Franz Ferdinand and Mrs. Ferdinand as they toured the streets in their open automobile on June 28, 1914.

"Dammit!  I'll never get the blood out now!"

    Open automobile.  PFFFFTTTT!  You'd never catch anyone doing that again!

Too soon?

    Austria, understandably, got all wicked butthurt, especially since their present emperor, Franz Joseph, now couldn't retire.

"I mean, ffs, I'm 84!  Who do I look like, Joe Biden?"

    Therefore, they demanded of Serbia certain conditions, of which it had no chance of meeting (including that Serbia got the blood out of the feathers.  YOU try that and let me know how it goes).

    Serbia, stymied by that blood thing, turned to its big brother Czar Nicholas (who would have his own problems in a few years).

    A month after the archduke went to his maker, the Great War kicked off and millions more went to their maker.

    Princip was arrested and sentenced to twenty years in prison for his foul deed.

"Good thing he wasn't in Texas."

     Unfortunately (for him, not me, I don’t care), living conditions in the prison were dreadful, resulting in the loss of his right arm (I don’t know what the connection is) and his death of tuberculosis on April 28, 1918.

    Kind of a relatively peaceful end for the little Serbian who sparked the most idiotic, unnecessary war in world history. 

And couldn't grow a decent mustache