Public Service Announcement

 Public Service Announcement to this Public Service Announcement:  as is my wont, only half of what you will read below is true.  It's up to you to disseminate truth from fiction.  Hey, your education is not up to me.  Besides, why the hell are you coming to Penwasser Place to learn anything anyway?

   

Okay, I'm using a picture from the last post. 
Sue me.

    It’s taken me a couple weeks to get over being violated during my colonoscopy (if you’d like to punish yourself, feel free to read the post before this, “Journey to the Center of my Bowels.”  I won’t stop you).

    Since I can finally look myself in the mirror without sobbing or feeling "cheap,” 

"You get used to it."

I decided I should write once more. After all, it’s the least I could do for the two faithful readers of this blog.

    NOTE:  Since a small polyp (and Jimmy Hoffa.  A joke made in my last post.  Once again, sue me) was found in my colon, I have to undergo another butt “look-see” seven years hence.  Of course, that would make me 74 by then, so the joke may be on them.

Wait.  Hang on.  That's not funny.

    A thought has been nagging at me for several years and has been a bit of a pet peeve.    And that is the name of the mascot for the United States Forestry Service.  The mascot’s name is “Smokey Bear.”  No middle name.  Just “Smokey Bear.”

    Yet, some people mistakenly insist on calling him “Smokey the Bear.” (italics, and old man cranky, are mine).  You wouldn’t call him “Bugs the Bunny” or “Mickey the Mouse,” would you?

Or "Donald the Pantsless Duck"

    So, it is with “Smokey Bear.”

   Yes, yes, there is such a thing as “Felix the Cat.” 

But he is an outlier

     Seriously, though, how many of the two of you remember there was even such a character?  Or a “Betty the Boop”?

Fun Fact: Aunt Bethany from Christmas Vacation was the voice of Betty Boop. 
No shit.
Boop boop a doop 

    Well, since I brought up "Smokey," a brief history....

Not learning

 

"Learing!"

    The concept of using a bear cub mascot occurred during World War II, to raise awareness that careless acts could cause woodlands to catch fire.  In fact, the very first slogan, coined in 1944, was, “Smokey Says-Care Will Prevent 9 of 10 Forest Fires and Kill Every Jap.”

    Since it was deemed a tad insensitive, the “Jap” reference was expunged and the new slogan became the familiar “Only You Can Prevent Forest Fires.”  This slogan persisted throughout our childhood and was finally replaced in 2001 with “Only You Can Prevent Wildfires.”  This was designed so people would know that it's not just forests that catch fire.

Also created with the coming of Gavin Newsom. 
Coincidence?

    The very first real live Smokey was a small black bear cub found and adopted after a forest fire.

"Bear of Color bear cub.  Amirite?"

   His first name was "Hotfoot Teddy."  However, following a lawsuit by the jazz musician, "Athlete Foot Theodore," it was changed to "Smokey."

    Smokey became a big celebrity and was even paired with a female named “Goldie Bear” in some sort of effort to produce an offspring. 

  Unfortunately, attempts at an Ursine Wild Thing were thwarted when a young college student named Bill Clinton, accompanied by a female Gollum, scaled the fence of their enclosure with a camera.

"PFFTTT! You girls are more interesting, anyway.  Smile!"

    Smokey passed away in 1976 after a honey overdose.  Goldie carried on, but never remarried.  No bear could ever live up to her beloved “Smokes,” she maintained.    

    After which she mauled some campers.

"Hey, bears gotta bear, yo."

    FULL DISCLOSURE:  Despite his real name being Smokey Bear, the name "Smokey the Bear" has been perpetuated in popular culture. Steve Nelson and Jack Rollins’ song “Smokey the Bear" has been covered by the group Canned Heat among others. The track is on their CD The Boogie House Tapes 1969–1999.

    Those people are wrong.  

"I know what my name is!  Dopers."

"Allegations made in this post have zero basis in fact.  
They are for entertainment use only."

      I certainly hope so.  

    Don't make me write another colonoscopy post.