'X' is for 'Xerxes the Great"

"X" is For "Xerxes the Great"

"Isn't it bad enough he's called 'the Great?' He gets his own post, too?" 
Author's Note:  The above is Darius III who was not great. 
If you've been following this nonsense, we talk of him in my 'D' post. 
You're welcome.

FULL DISCLOSURE:  After much (well, some) deliberation, I found it difficult to come up with a proper candidate for my "X" post.  I have therefore, decided to go with ole reliable, Xerxes the Great.  Yes, for the sharp-eyed out there, this is a repost from last year.  And then some.  But, the way I figure it, quite a few of you are new to this disaster and so this will be new to you.  Since I am benevolent, I'll break it up into parts (this thing is long enough).  In any event, I sincerely hope you enjoy this discussion on that wild and crazy guy from Persia.  

Not him

 

Too soon?

     300 on TNT is the story of 300 (that’s where they get the title...duh) Spartans led by King Gerard Butler against the evil Persians of...uh...Persia.

Told ya.

Interestingly enough, 300 also featured Lena Headey. 
You may recognize her as Cers...naw, that would be too easy

    For almost two hours, these brave warriors use sword, spear, and pectoral muscles against the very best the enemy could fling at them.  It’s only after the treachery of some guy who would make Congresswoman Rosa de Lauro from Connecticut look attractive that the Greeks are defeated.

You know, on second thought...

"HEY!!"

    Rather than the buff-boy Spartans, I grew curious about Leonidas’ opponent, Xerxes.

"Hey, how do you separate the men from the boys in Greece?"
"I dunno.  How?"
"A crowbar."

    Xerxes the Great was born in 519 BC (or "BCE" to you politically-correct ninnies) to Atossa and Darius the Great.  Both of his parents were descended from Achaemenes, but of different Achaemenid lines.  The source documents are pretty clear on that as they wanted to leave no doubt there was no incest hanky-panky going on.  After all, they weren’t Egyptians.  

After all, what could go wrong with that?

    Anyway, Darius knew that marrying a daughter of the great Cyrus the Great

"Again with 'the Great!'  Motherfu...!"

would certainly help his plan for kingship.  Plus, it would smooth his application to the Nineveh Country Club.

    Anyway, Darius was pissed at off at everyone, from Babylon to that guy who sold him those Kinoki foot pads.  But, he was most hacked off at the Greeks.  Who, besides having grass and a recipe for some kick-ass souvlaki, had some of the sweetest nude beaches in the Mediterranean.  So, he made intense preparations for an invasion of...Egypt.

    Yeah, no kidding.

    Before he left the country, he was required to name a successor.  I guess this was just in case he got whacked.  Or was having too much fun on a Greek beach.

    Before doing so, he contracted with Gambino and Sons building contractors to build him a tomb.  After permits were finally approved after the Zoning Officer found the head of a camel in his bed, construction began at Naqsh-e Rostam (yeah, I’m not going to look it up, either).  Freed from the stress of planning his final resting spot and picking out window treatments, Darius then named his son, Xerxes, as his successor.

This Xerxes.

Not LGBTQ+1 Xerxes.

 

    If you're still awake...

To be continued in May.  Sometime... 

in ...

 The Great Xerxes the Great Sequel!