"Z" is For "Zeno"

 

“Z” is for “Zeno”

     When I was in the Navy, there was a Sailor in my unit who was a troublemaker.  Even though he was all of that, I couldn’t find a reason to get rid of him.  Let’s put it this way, if he just decided to not come to work one day, I wouldn’t have expended a huge amount of energy tracking him down.

    Back then (and perhaps now), the Navy had a zero-tolerance for drug use.  If you were caught using drugs, you were bounced out of the service.  Remember this, it will be important.

    When I was on leave one summer, my Chief gave me a call...  

    “Lieutenant, I have some bad news for you.  Our favorite person popped positive on his piss test.”    

    DEAD SILENCE    

    He came back on, “I guess that isn’t bad news to you, is it, sir?”

    I replied, “Thanks for letting me know, Chief.”

    I then hung up and danced into the kitchen, 

"HE'S GONE, HE'S GONE, HE'S GONE!!!!"

    Guess what his name was.  Thattttt's right.....

    This isn’t about him, though.

    Nor is it about Zeno of Elea, a pre-Socratic Greek philosopher famous for his paradoxes challenging the concept of plurality, motion, and the idea that cottage cheese is really cheese.

"Turn my back one minute and some jerk steals my clothes. 
Good thing I found these drapes."

    No, this is about the Eastern Roman Emperor, Zeno.

"At least I've got a shirt on."

    NOTE:  I apologize for saddling you with an obscure person for my last challenge post.  But?  “Z”?  My hands were tied.  I swear, I never heard of him until I researched Odoacer.

    Born in Isauria as Tarasis around AD 425 (CE to you politically correct ninnies), he adopted the Greek name, Zeno, as he entered public because it sounded less foreign.

"Yer shittin' me, right?"

Constantinople was called Byzantium.
Before it was called Istanbul. 

    He married the daughter of Emperor Leo I, Ariadne, in an effort to curry favor with leadership.  Sort of like a Jared Kushner kind of thing.

    Well, it apparently worked because together, they had a son, Leo II.  The little boy became emperor at seven years old when his grandfather died.  He ruled until 474 with his father as co-emperor (hey, someone had to feed him his Spaghetti-Os).  Sadly, when he died, Zeno became sole emperor.

Of the Eastern Roman Empire.
Before it was called the Byzantine Empire.
Snooty Romans.

    Before too long, Zeno became the victim of a palace revolt orchestrated by the Empress Dowager Verina and was tossed from office in 475.  However, after being helped by a couple generals disloyal to the now-ruling Basiliscus, he regained the throne in 476 where he remained until he died.

One mean-looking broad, amirite?

    Zeno’s reign was plagued by domestic revolts (the most significant, of course, being from Verina the Mean) and religious dissension (Eastern Catholics weren’t on speaking terms with Roman Catholics).

"They were always jealous of our hats."

    However, what he is best known for (at least for me.  After all, I’m the only one who counts because I’ve been writing these things) was his relationship with the Western Roman Empire.  The West, which was based in Ravenna, not Rome, was circling the crapper in 476.

    When the last Western emperor was deposed by Odoacer, Zeno was acknowledged as the de facto head of the whole shebang by Odo.  Zeno was then given the symbols of Roman power, some leftover ziti, 

And a timeshare at a Taormina beach.

    NOTE:  You can read more about this relationship in my “O” post if you feel like it.
    NOTE 2:  If you feel like it, you lead a sad life.

    Zeno died in Constantinople on April 9, 491 of dysentery, epilepsy, or a bad batch of Spaghetti-Os.

    He was succeed by the emp...oh, what do I care?  This is my last post for the 2026 A-Z Challenge.    

    Now pay up and go home.