"N" is For "Nelson"

 

"N" is For "Nelson"

Wrong Nelson

That's better

    Once upon a time, Brittania ruled the waves.  Not so much now,  But, a couple hundred years ago?  Most definitely.

    One of the most revered heroes of the Royal Navy in the later years of the 18^th century until the early years of the 19^th century was Admiral Horatio Nelson, 1^st Viscount Nelson, and 1^st Duke of Bronte.

    NOTE:  I’m not sure what exactly all that meant.  Trust me, he was a big wig.

    Born on September 29, 1758 in Norfolk, England, Nelson distinguished himself via series of stunning victories until he was (SPOILER ALERT) killed by a French marksman during the Battle of Trafalgar on October 21, 1805.

    His many honors and achievements included winning the Order of the Bath, Order of the Shower, Ottoman Order of the Crescent, Love Seat Order of the Crescent Roll, and Order in the Court. 

    What’s more, he was a lifelong member of the Pirates of the Caribbean Fan Club

And Quiznos Sandwich Fanatics

    Nelson’s career at sea began at a young age, when he was sponsored by some big wig (I can’t remember the name, but I don’t feel like looking it up) to serve aboard one of His Majesty’s warships as a Midshipman.

    He earned his first command at the young age of only 20 in 1778.

    NOTE:  For those who didn’t go to a Minnesota Learing Center, you would know that would be during the American Revolution.

    After cessation of hostilities in the former colonies (which we won)  

"Ahem."

(Okay...sigh...with French help), the Royal Navy shrunk considerably.  As was common during those days, Nelson found himself out of work.

    To make ends meet, he sold kidney pies (using real kidneys from mental patients) and making balloon animals outside Westminster Abbey.

    However, once France started causing trouble, Nelson found himself back onboard the heaving deck of a warship.  His duties took him to the Mediterranean where he saw action against the French.

Using their diabolical tactic of Mime Warfare

    He won battle after battle, most notably at the Battle of the Nile in 1798 (where Napoleon tried to steal the Sphinx).  Following that, he oversaw the protection for the Kingdom of Naples against a French invasion and theft of its pizza recipe.

    Unfortunately, he lost both the battle and his right arm at the Battle of Santa Cruz de Tenerife.  This proved to be a major setback for England and especially for Nelson, since he used his right hand to wipe.

    What Horatio Nelson is most noted for was the smashing British victory while he was embarked aboard HMS Victory against a combined Franco-Spanish fleet at the Battle of Trafalgar on October 21, 1805.

Not to be confused with...

    NOTE:  If you read the beginning, you’d know that was an ominous date.

   Prior to joining what would be a fierce fight against the enemy, Nelson inspired his sailors with the stirring, "Watch out for cannonballs" “England expects everyone man to do his duty.”

    More unfortunate than what he lost at Tenerife, Nelson lost his life when a French marksman picked him off with a well-placed musket shot.

Or a cannon loaded with grapeshot and stale baguettes. 
Sources are unclear.

    Still, the English achieved a decisive victory at Trafalgar which paved the way for the eventual defeat of Napoleon at Waterloo.  Where the French began their long tradition of surrendering.

    Nelson, on the other [left] hand became the stuff of legend as the Sailor’s Sailor.

    Who didn’t need to worry about doing his duty anymore.   

 

"Spare a square?  Arm's gone."