"L" is For "Lepidus"

 

"L" is for "Lepidus" 

   Part of my motivation for this year’s A-Z Challenge is that I wish to talk about those characters who may not be as well known as others.  For instance, instead of Genghis Khan, I wrote about Kublai Khan.  Instead of Columbus, I chose Cabot.  Instead of Julius Caesar, I’m going with Marcus Aemilius Lepidus.

Bust of Lepidus

Bust of Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez
Hey, just because I think she's an empty-headed imbecile
doesn't mean I'm made of stone.

    Lepidus was a Roman General and statesman who was born around 89 BC (BCE to politically correct ninnies) and died around 12 BC.  Or early 13 BC.

    He was a good friend of Julius Caesar and often invited him over for a barbecue and a couple rounds of pinochle.

    NOTE:  I may be wrong about barbecues.

    When Caesar was ventilated on the Ides of March in 44 BC (BCE to po...you get the picture), Lepidus, for understandable reasons (Caesar owed him money from the last card game),

"They're called 'boxes of ziti.'"

sought revenge on those who had committed the foul deed, Crassus and Brutus, in particular.  So, he forged an alliance with Mark Antony (played by Marlon Brando) 

Not here, though.

and Caesar’s nephew, Octavian, who would go on to become known as Augustus.

Roddy McDowall as Octavian

Roddy McDowall as Cornelius

"THAT DAMN DIRTY APE!"

    Thus allied, they formed the Second Triumvirate  (the First Triumvirate consisted of Julius Caesar, Pompey the Great, and Marcus Crassus).  

"These jerks always want fish.  I want Chinese!  Why can't I have Chinese?   
Wait. Has Chinese food been invented yet?"

    The big difference is that this iteration had legal authority and thus could render the Senate into a useless gaggle of old men who were as effectual as a box of gauze condoms.

    Sound familiar?

    This led the way to Octavian becoming emperor and the end of the Roman Republic.

    Uh oh.

    After the conspirators were defeated at the Battle of Phillipi, the three went about seeing how they could best govern.  Mark Antony, though, wielding the power of boners, canoodled with Cleopatra

I mean, could you blame him?

 and was defeated by Octavian at the Battle of Actium in 23 BC.

    Lepidus, even though he was technically a co-ruler, was increasingly sidelined by the Roddy McDowall lookalike.  He had some territory, sure, and was designated the last Pontifex Maximus of the Roman Republic.  But, to be honest, it was Octavian (now Augustus) who really called the shots.

    When his service was needed for the odd vote, he was called in to cast it.  And, even then, Augustus disrespected him by calling on him last.  In effect, he was considered an irrelevant old man.

"No joke."

    In stark contrast to later years of the Empire, Lepidus died peacefully in late 13 BC or early 12 BC.  Wait.  I already wrote that.  Aw, screw it.

    No one really knows because no one really cares.

    Marcus Aemilius Lepidus, one third of the Second Triumvirate of Rome.    

    And answer to a trivia question.